By: Jamie Collins
I gently knock on the slightly ajar door before stepping inside. My teenage son is sprawled on his bed, absorbed in his laptop, while music from his favorite band fills the air. I can’t quite discern if he’s studying, browsing for new video games, or chatting with friends. Most likely, it’s a mix of all three.
“Hey there,” I say as I take a seat in the corner of his room. He glances at me, raising an eyebrow, but continues his activities without a word.
I don’t have anything specific to share, and he’s not initiating any conversation. The silence stretches uncomfortably between us. It’s evident he would rather I not be there, but I’m determined to engage him.
“How’s school treating you?” I venture. Silence is my only response.
“Mom,” he finally sighs, “it’s fine.”
I wait for him to look up and offer one of his usual smiles, but it doesn’t come.
“Okay then… that’s great,” I respond, feeling somewhat lost. “Dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes.”
As I stand to leave, letting out an exaggerated sigh, he lifts his head and rolls his eyes at me as if I’m the most embarrassing person in the world. I try to mimic his eye roll, pretending that his dismissal doesn’t hurt. Truthfully, it feels like I’m being brushed aside by someone I once shared everything with.
Despite what parenting experts say about adolescence being a time for distance, the feeling of exclusion is disheartening. In fact, feeling disconnected from your child—regardless of age—can be profoundly upsetting.
I don’t need to know every single detail about my son’s life, but it stings when I sense he’s keeping significant thoughts and feelings to himself. This is particularly true with him, but even my younger daughter is starting to mimic his desire for independence.
The rational part of me understands that I’m no longer their primary confidant for inside jokes, style advice, or daily updates—those roles have largely shifted to their friends. I usually only hear about the serious stuff, like stress over school projects or frustration about a bad hair day.
Occasionally, my son will make a vague statement about his day, but probing for details often leads to more silence. I’ve realized that pressing him for information tends to backfire, so I try to remain calm and patient, hoping he’ll eventually share more.
As a concerned parent, I can’t help but worry that there may be underlying issues. Is my child facing depression but too ashamed to open up? Is he being bullied? Or perhaps he’s struggling with a subject at school but feeling too lost to seek help?
Our relationship is generally positive, filled with love, and I always reassure him that I’m here to listen without judgment, that I can actually be helpful despite my current “uncool” status.
I recall having my own private life during my teenage years, where I navigated experiences independently, away from adult supervision. I want my children to have that same sense of empowerment, but I also miss the closeness we once shared.
I’ve learned that bombarding them with questions doesn’t usually yield fruitful conversations. What I long for is a deeper understanding of their feelings and aspirations.
My latest approach is to be present when they’re ready to connect. I often find myself in the kitchen during late afternoons, cooking and making noise so they know I’m available. It’s challenging to wait, but occasionally it pays off.
Just the other day, my son came home wearing a new sweatshirt. When I inquired about it, he blushed and confessed that it belonged to a classmate. Instead of retreating to his room, he chose to sit with me at the kitchen counter and share the story behind it. I sliced vegetables while listening, appreciating the connection we managed to establish in those few moments.
For more insights on navigating family dynamics and fostering connections, check out some of our other articles, including the importance of understanding your fertility journey here and an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination here.
In conclusion, while navigating the complexities of a teenager’s independence can be challenging, maintaining an open line of communication and being present can lead to meaningful connections.
Keyphrase: Rejection from your teen
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