By: David Thompson
Updated: June 11, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 21, 2016
From a young age, I envisioned having two children close in age—ideally within two or three years—so they could grow up together and forge a strong friendship. However, after the birth of my first son, my situation changed drastically. For several years, the prospect of having another child seemed unattainable, and the dream of a small age gap faded away.
When my wife and I finally decided to expand our family, we found ourselves with a significantly larger age difference. Our second child arrived in January, nearly five and a half years after our first. Surprisingly, as my circumstances evolved, so too did my perspective on the ideal age gap.
Typically, parents consider future dynamics when planning for multiple children, wishing for their kids to be close friends. Despite the inevitable squabbles, sibling rivalry, and occasional bickering, having a sibling provides a built-in playmate. However, with a larger age gap, the dynamics shift. It will take years before my youngest can engage meaningfully with his older brother, and by the time he does, his brother may be preoccupied with his own interests. While they will inevitably play together at home, their five-year difference means they won’t always be on the same wavelength.
I do have concerns about their relationship as they grow older—imagine my eldest being 16 while the youngest is just 11. I anticipate my youngest will look up to his older brother, and I hope the older sibling will take on a protective role. Yet, I can’t help but wonder how much time they will spend together during those teenage years, particularly as one begins dating while the other is still navigating elementary school. It’s likely that their true friendship won’t flourish until they reach their 20s, when the age gap becomes less significant.
That said, having a five-year difference has proven to be more beneficial than I initially expected. I find myself grateful I didn’t have children just a couple of years apart. The thought of managing a toddler alongside a newborn—or worse, two toddlers—is overwhelming. Currently, my five-year-old is independent enough to help out, allowing us to focus on the baby. He understands when the baby is sleeping and can even entertain himself while we catch up on rest after those sleepless nights. Plus, we are spared the challenges of juggling diapers, daycare, and baby food for two at once.
While we might not be able to leave the five-year-old in charge just yet, we do have the advantage of reusing his crib, making things a bit easier. There’s no universal best scenario for every family, and although this wasn’t our original plan, the age gap has turned out to be quite favorable. While we had hoped for closer births, we have adjusted well to the reality of our family dynamics.
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In summary, while we initially envisioned a smaller age gap between our children, the five-year difference has turned out to be a blessing. It has allowed us to manage our family life more comfortably and foster a bond that will likely grow deeper as they mature.
Keyphrase: A Larger Age Gap Between Kids
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