When reflecting on my own breastfeeding journey, I am inundated with vivid memories: dozing off with my baby in my arms during the early hours; struggling with the breast pump as it emitted its relentless “Wheee-ooo! Whee-ooo!”; maneuvering around my home with a nursing pillow awkwardly affixed to my waist; and the unsettling moment I listened to another mother recount how her child had bitten part of her nipple off while nursing.
To provide some context, I am a mother of two and a clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for stress and anxiety. A significant portion of my practice centers around helping mothers navigate the overwhelming pressures of parenting. Unsurprisingly, breastfeeding often emerges as a major stressor for new moms. Here’s a glimpse into the narratives I frequently encounter:
- A mother desperately attempts to breastfeed but faces legitimate challenges (e.g., her baby won’t latch, or she must resume antidepressant medication). She is overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety about the potential negative effects of formula feeding.
- A mom opts not to nurse for valid reasons (e.g., she wants to reclaim her body, or lacks the time or space to pump at work). She often feels a sense of shame about her decision, amplified by others’ reactions like, “You’re formula feeding? Oh.”
- A mother successfully breastfeeds but is plagued with anxiety about whether her baby is receiving enough nutrition. She becomes fixated on breastfeeding literature, hoping to find the perfect technique to enhance her experience. If only she could do it better, she believes, her baby would truly thrive.
Now, let’s return to that story about the nipple-biting incident. At a breastfeeding support group, I heard a mother share, “Nursing has been extremely challenging for me. At one point, my son bit part of my nipple off. But now he’s improving.”
Wait—did she really mean her child BIT HER NIPPLE OFF? And she continued nursing despite that pain?
Her experience led me to reevaluate my own feelings about breastfeeding. While I nursed, I didn’t particularly enjoy the experience; it often made me feel tethered and restricted. At times, I secretly wished for an excuse to stop, perhaps if my son had bitten my nipple off, I could have a legitimate reason. Yet, here was a woman so committed to nursing that she persevered through immense pain. What did that say about me as a mother?
The common thread woven through these narratives is the pervasive sense of inadequacy and guilt experienced by mothers. In CBT, we often discuss the harmful effects of “should”-ing—when individuals bombard themselves with thoughts about what they ought to be doing, leading to guilt and shame. Many mothers feel overwhelmed by societal “shoulds” surrounding breastfeeding, regardless of their personal choices.
Through my own journey of confronting these “shoulds,” I realized that comparing myself to others was unfair. While I respected the woman’s dedication to nursing, I recognized our values differed. I believed in breastfeeding but could not relate to someone who would sacrifice their well-being for it. Moreover, I didn’t know her full story, which means I had no basis to judge her choices. Each mother’s experience is unique; no one shares the same body, baby, or family dynamics.
Medical authorities may advocate for breastfeeding, but they can’t fully understand an individual’s circumstances. Would these authorities suggest nursing to a woman struggling with severe postpartum depression who can only care for her baby after resuming antidepressant medication? Would it be fair to criticize a mother who cannot integrate breastfeeding into her life due to various reasons?
Your breastfeeding journey should be personal. Reject external pressures dictating how you should approach it. Most importantly, trust your ability to make the best decision for yourself and your baby.
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In summary, every mother’s experience with breastfeeding is distinct and should be respected. Embrace your individual path, free from societal expectations, and trust yourself to make informed, confident choices that reflect your family’s needs.
Keyphrase: breastfeeding choices and experiences
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