By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: Feb. 19, 2021
Originally Published: Sep. 24, 2016
Children express their creativity in countless ways, producing a plethora of artwork through paints, crayons, and markers. Their creations depict everything from dinosaurs and fairytales to countless flowers. They also engage in craft projects that range from the genuinely useful (like handprint magnets) to the outright absurd (such as clothespin sheep). Much of this output tends to fall into the latter category: advent wreaths, cotton-ball clouds, and uneven paper dolls. In addition, they generate numerous stories and school papers—test after test, awards after awards. These papers accumulate on the dining room table we rarely utilize, overflow on top of the wine cooler, and clutter the refrigerator door until they become a thick layer of disorganization.
Related: For practical tips on cleaning up after kids, check out our article on removing crayon marks from various surfaces.
In truth, my dear child, I discreetly dispose of these items. This is a well-kept secret among mothers: we are the ones who declutter. My partner, on the other hand, tends towards hoarding. Left to his devices, we would navigate a maze of belongings throughout the house. Many fathers seem to share this tendency, as if they lived through a time of scarcity and feel compelled to keep everything “just in case.” And by “everything,” I mean obsolete milk containers and broken action figures. Thus, it falls to us, the mothers wielding hefty trash bags, to prevent our homes from being overrun by clutter.
We dispose of plastic animals—excluding the high-quality ones with realistic details. The lightweight figures with dot eyes are fair game. We throw away the ones purchased to placate you during a shopping trip and those dollar-store treasures from Grandma. It doesn’t matter if it’s a triceratops, your prized dinosaur; into the trash it goes. The best part? You remain blissfully unaware of this covert operation. If you eventually ask about a missing item, we feign ignorance. “Oh, that? I haven’t seen it in ages! I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.” You stomp off, momentarily frustrated but soon distracted by something else, as you often are.
We carefully discard toys while tidying up your bedroom. During one of those trips to the trash can, we might stealthily toss out those castle dolls that have been gathering dust and the plastic fish from a long-lost game. We wait until you are sound asleep to eliminate even more of the clutter that has invaded our living space. You never seem to notice—or if you do, you never bring it up.
We also manage the ever-expanding collection of stuffed animals. These plush toys seem to multiply on their own, arriving as gifts for holidays, birthdays, and outings. Who truly needs that extra stuffed octopus? Keeping it means also keeping the Christmas bears from Macy’s, that mediocre dragon, and the grasshopper from the museum. Some have to go.
Armed with a large trash bag, we wait until you’re engaged with Legos, video games, or your Matchbox cars (after all, you can never have too many). We stealthily enter your room and select the least beloved stuffed animals—those you won’t even miss. Once we’ve organized the keepers, we securely tie up the bag and discreetly transport it to Goodwill, all while maintaining an air of innocence.
And if by some chance you do notice something amiss? We simply act oblivious. “Oh, that broken action figure? I had no idea it was in the trash! Here, let me retrieve it for you.” And as soon as you leave the room, it goes back in the trash because let’s be honest—it’s broken. We have a policy against keeping broken items, especially when there are still functional toys available.
So yes, we’ve disposed of him. And honestly, we would do it again to avoid being buried under a mountain of stuffed animals, damaged figures, useless plastic toys, games missing pieces, and a host of other random items.
This process is a necessary public service. One day, you will understand. Until then, consider us the stealthy ninjas with our black trash bags.
For those interested in the journey of parenthood, you might find value in our other post about the at-home insemination kit, which offers essential insights. If you’re looking for additional information on fertility, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This article discusses the art of discreetly decluttering your child’s belongings without them noticing. It highlights the challenges parents face in managing excess toys and keepsakes, and the strategies employed to maintain a more organized home. Through humor and relatability, it underscores the necessity of making room for the truly cherished items, all while keeping the clutter at bay.
Keyphrase: Disposing of Children’s Items Discreetly
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