Parenting
As Seen on TV: The Unwanted Merchandise Menu
by Emily Carter
Updated: Aug. 5, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 24, 2015
My children go absolutely wild whenever a commercial for some bizarre toy flickers across the screen during their favorite show. They shout for me to come and witness this so-called “incredible” product, forcing me to drop whatever I’m doing to join them in front of the TV. After a mere five seconds of watching, they switch between pleading for me to buy it—Oliver Twist-style—and presenting their cases for why it’s the greatest thing ever.
Thanks to our television, I already face this daily at home, but then one fateful day, my kids discovered that Walmart has a whole section dedicated to this nonsense. So, now, when all I want is a laundry basket and some chicken, I am bombarded with requests for things like SpongeBob Chia Pets. “As Seen on TV” is inescapable.
Here’s a rundown of some of my least favorite “As Seen on TV” products and the reasons I will never purchase them.
Squishy Sand
This product claims it doesn’t stick to anything, including hands and hard surfaces, making it the perfect indoor toy. Um, no thanks. I’ve fought the battle with Moon Sand, which makes the same promise but leaves granules that invade my carpet and harden like Play-Doh over time. I spend enough time cleaning the floor as it is. Plus, my kids would probably attempt to poke each other in the eyes to see if it hurts like real sand. Just, no.
Juggle Bubbles
This bubble solution is marketed as a way to create bubbles that won’t pop, as long as you wear special gloves. So, I need to buy a pair of gloves and the solution for each child? If not, they’ll just pop each other’s bubbles with bare hands. What happens when the bubbles touch something other than the gloves? Do they burn? Smell like terrible plastic? No, thank you. My kids need to keep as many brain cells as possible.
Party in the Tub Light
Bath time is already a nightmare in my home, and I’m not about to turn off the lights just so this gadget can shine. Wet floor plus dark bathroom equals me on the floor. Sorry, but I’m not ready to turn my kids’ bathroom into a night club. While I get that it’s marketed as a fun way to encourage cleanliness, I’m not keen on creating a “Party in the Shower.” What’s next, dance lessons on DVD from a celebrity? Definitely not…for them. But maybe for my husband.
Hamper Hoops
How clever! The creators of this product think that placing a hamper shaped like a basketball hoop on my kids’ closet door will inspire them to throw their dirty clothes in. Wrong. Clothes will continue to be dropped wherever they come off, and the Hamper Hoops will be the new home for the evidence of contraband like candy wrappers. Plus, I can already see my little athlete attempting slam dunks, which will lead to broken items and potentially a trip to urgent care. No thanks, mama has enough on her plate.
Tummy Stuffers
This contraption is designed for kids to clean their rooms by stuffing everything into a stuffed animal that can expand. First off, they need to learn proper organization instead of using a toy as a trash bin. Secondly, not everything belongs in the same container. My youngest sometimes removes her Pull-Ups at night and tosses them under her bed instead of in the trash. Would you want a pee-soaked Pull-Up mixed with clothes and toys? Yuck, no. Who knows what else my boys would stuff in?
The “As Seen on TV” marketers are geniuses at turning kids into relentless persuaders, making it feel like I have a high-pitched used car salesman following me home, nagging me endlessly. They know their commercials fuel parental frustration, leading to impulse purchases in moments of sheer exhaustion. If I ever cave and order something from “As Seen on TV,” I just hope it’s something worthwhile, like a Channing Tatum dance lesson DVD—not the Tummy Stuffer.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our other blog posts, like the one on baby maker home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo. If you’re interested in home insemination, Cryobaby at-home insemination kit is a trusted resource. For comprehensive information on pregnancy, Mayo Clinic’s IVF guide is an excellent resource.
In summary, while “As Seen on TV” products promise excitement and fun, they often lead to chaos in the home. As a parent, it’s crucial to weigh the potential mess and frustration against the fleeting allure of these gadgets.
Keyphrase: As Seen on TV parenting products
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]