Parenting
By Jamie Thompson
Published on September 14, 2016
Last night, my children awoke five times combined. I found myself stripping and washing bed linens, refilling bottles, and even cleaning the carpets (let’s not discuss that). There were requests for snuggles and a chorus of complaints. It seems that the fear of dehydration or loneliness is particularly pronounced in the wee hours of the morning. Who would have thought?
Despite going to bed early, I managed to piece together a few fragmented hours of sleep. No one was sick, teething, or in any discomfort; it simply was what it was—and believe me, it was utterly exhausting.
The stark truth about nights like these, regardless of their frequency, is that they represent a profoundly isolating aspect of parenthood. Even with a partner to share the load, it can feel like the rest of the world is oblivious to your struggles. Outside, the streetlights shine brightly while your neighbors sleep peacefully. You can almost hear their blissful snores amid your children’s relentless whining, and in those overwhelming moments, it’s easy to feel as if you’re failing at this parenting gig. Why my kids? Why me? With one in preschool and the other well into toddlerhood, I thought the sleepless nights of infancy were behind me. Apparently, I was mistaken.
As a new mom, I received a lot of well-meaning encouragement to help me survive the depths of sleep deprivation. And trust me, my kids really tested my limits. I was constantly reassured that this phase would be brief and that sleeplessness would soon become a thing of the past.
While those words felt like a magical elixir during tough times, the truth is that they often serve as mere placebos. By the time you realize this, you’re a fire-breathing dragon, hair askew, makeup smeared, and morning breath that could knock out a rhinoceros. Embrace it. You are still beautiful, and nothing a hot shower and strong coffee can’t remedy.
The people dispensing these empty platitudes either had unusually easy children (which is rare but does happen), have selectively forgotten their own struggles (and who can blame them?), or simply refuse to acknowledge the chaos (let’s be honest, no one is buying that act). The reality is, the “phase” they refer to is parenthood itself, and sorry to break it to you, but you’re already in it for the long haul.
Tonight it might be a fear of the dark, but before you know it, you’ll be navigating sleepovers, date nights, and even wild parties. Let’s face it: your college student won’t be coming home with a comforting cup of milk at 9 PM. The truth is, your children will keep you awake for life, and that was in the fine print when you chose to bring another human into the world. Always read the fine print.
While you may get substantially more sleep as time goes on, that doesn’t mitigate the pain of those unexpected middle-of-the-night interruptions. The baseline of “normalcy” is always shifting—for everyone. What once felt like a godsend, such as three consecutive hours of sleep, can quickly be redefined; anything less than six hours can feel like a blow to the gut.
We often pretend that night wakings and mornings fueled by four cups of coffee are issues exclusive to infancy or have easily identifiable causes, like illness—if you’re a good mom, that is. Reading the best baby books should guarantee a “good sleeper” label for your kids forever, right? Meeting those arbitrary standards should be a piece of cake, but if your child struggles, it must be your fault for not doing x, y, or z.
As shocking as it is, we don’t frequently discuss the sleep issues that can arise with older kids. Instead, we mutter expletives into our pillows and then send them off to school the next day as if nothing happened. The dark circles under your eyes may reveal your secret, but your lips remain sealed because discussing these challenges feels like admitting failure. No one wants to feel incompetent, let alone voice that feeling. However, if you were to search online for “why won’t my kid sleep at night?” you would discover that you are definitely not alone.
And that is what you need to hear. That is what every parent needs to hear: you are not alone.
Whether your children wake up frequently or only now and then, it’s okay, and largely, it’s completely normal. If online forums provide a sense of community, dive in. When the door closes and your little one can’t hear, vent with all the colorful language at your disposal. Pour yourself a glass of pinot grigio at 2 AM if it helps you unwind and gain perspective. Most importantly, keep talking—whether it’s with friends, a babysitter, or even the grocery bagger. Communication (and commiseration) is healing.
Just keep moving forward, parent. Parenthood encompasses skinned knees, broken hearts, tantrums, and yes, those sleepless nights. It’s a turbulent journey, and yours will not mirror anyone else’s. Just be yourself—because this is hard, and that’s perfectly okay.
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Summary
Sleepless nights are a common and isolating aspect of parenthood, affecting parents of both infants and older children. While well-meaning advice may offer temporary comfort, the journey of parenting is filled with challenges, including unexpected awakenings and shifting standards of normalcy. It’s crucial to communicate openly about these struggles, as many parents experience similar issues. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.
Keyphrase: The Reality of Sleepless Nights
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