Sometimes, people ask how I manage to juggle everything, and I have a little secret — I’m a Type A mom. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts like: How can I accomplish more each day? How can I improve? How can I surpass what I did yesterday? It’s an unrelenting drive that I grapple with daily.
I resist this urge because it often steals my joy and distracts me from being present. That nagging voice in my head constantly reminds me of the never-ending to-do list, and I find it soul-crushing. I don’t want this to be how I’m remembered.
The Type A mindset only intensified after becoming a mother. Holding my baby, I’d think about laundry or other chores instead of savoring those moments. When my child napped, I’d race through the house, trying to maximize productivity. Even when my kids were happily playing, I felt compelled to clean or tackle another task.
These tendencies often prevent me from being fully present, leaving me feeling isolated. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. I started each day with a new mantra: “Be gentle on yourself.” I made a conscious effort to slow down, quiet my mind, and enjoy the moment. I’ve learned that taking the time to appreciate life — like savoring my morning coffee or hugging my kids — is far more significant than ticking off boxes on a list.
Becoming a mother made me feel the pressure to be perfect, but my children taught me that they don’t need a supermom; they just need me. The more I practice dismissing those critical inner voices, the easier it becomes, yet it remains a constant battle. There are days when I can ignore the dirty dishes and enjoy the moment, but the Type A tendencies always resurface. It’s like that ex who’s bad news yet still manages to draw you in.
There are times when I don’t just rush to get everything done; I sprint — cleaning, preparing nutritious meals, checking homework, connecting with my kids, and trying to maintain an image of having it all together. But this frantic pace often leads to burnout.
I rarely discuss my struggles because my Type A personality doesn’t leave much room for acknowledging imperfections. I’m hyper-aware of my shortcomings, and sharing them feels uncomfortable. However, we all have our issues. No personality type is free from the desire to change something about their daily lives. We all face challenges and have moments we’d rather sweep under the rug — that’s just life.
I wish I could shed this Type A identity. If you find yourself constantly trying to be everything to everyone, if you’re overly critical of yourself, or if you feel the weight of expectations, know that you’re not alone. You might be so accustomed to holding yourself to standards you would never impose on others that you understand my desire for change — it’s exhausting. My children have noticed, too. A few years ago, my youngest paused while I was scrubbing baseboards and asked, “Mom, why does everything have to be perfect?” That was a profound wake-up call.
But if I let go of the need to do it all, who will I become? What will define me? That thought is intimidating, but it pales in comparison to the idea of rushing through my children’s lives while trying to check off tasks. I need to occasionally set down my to-do list and shift my focus to what truly matters. Those are the memories I’ll cherish, and I’ll regret it if I don’t prioritize them.
Over the past few years, I’ve spent considerable time reflecting on my behavior. Understanding why I act the way I do is key to personal growth, and I’ve come to accept that I’ll always have these Type A traits. According to Psychology Today, “an individual’s personality remains relatively stable over time.” You can change some aspects of your personality, but it requires effort and commitment.
So, while I might always have these goals and tendencies, I can shift my emphasis away from perfectionism. I can redefine how important a spotless home is, or how serious I should be about race times. It’s okay not to check every box or control everything. I can embrace my Type A traits while also being kinder to myself. I’ve found that I’m much happier when I let go of the need for a perfectly organized closet or immaculate rooms for my kids.
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In summary, while I struggle with my Type A tendencies, I’m learning to embrace them without allowing them to dictate my happiness. It’s a journey of self-acceptance and prioritizing what truly matters: being present for my family.