I know which of my children drifts off to sleep on her back and which one awakens with an insatiable hunger. I can tell which needs a warm embrace and which prefers their space. I recognize the sounds of their footsteps as they sneak down the hallway, giggling through their mischief. I understand which child delights in coloring and which one gets lost in their imaginary adventures. The little secrets they share with me while we sit on the porch, observing a rainstorm, are etched in my memory.
As I sit on the floor alongside them, I bear witness to their creativity and excitement over the tallest tower they’ve ever constructed. I take moments to dance in the middle of the day when we all need to embrace our silliness. I shower them with kisses and cuddles, reminding them, “Sweetheart, don’t you realize how brave you are?” I am a good mother.
However, then comes the inevitable: something falls, something spills, or things just don’t go as planned. They might wrestle too roughly, take too long to respond, or use words I’ve asked them to avoid. They act like children, in all their wild glory. And suddenly, I find myself breaking.
In an instant, the situation shifts; I transform into the mother I vowed I would never become, raising my voice—if I’m being honest, I yell. My children freeze, their attention captured. I’m no longer composed; I feel fragmented, emerging as a tired, impatient version of myself who inadvertently takes it out on them. I question my abilities as a parent and dread that I’m going to irreparably damage my children. How will they reconcile the loving, playful mom who treats them to ice cream for dinner on a whim with the frustrated figure before them who crumbles due to their delay in picking up their shoes?
This sudden shift shocks me and makes me doubt whether I can genuinely raise my children with love, courage, and confidence. It’s easy to feel like I’m failing in this role, struggling to meet the demands of parenting.
Am I alone in feeling as though I pour my heart into this, yet it never seems enough? I doubt I’m the only mother who feels this way. We tend to measure ourselves against other mothers, keeping an internal scoreboard of how we don’t quite measure up: unfinished laundry, incomplete projects, messy kitchens. We find ourselves snapping at our children, forgetting callbacks, and struggling to savor every moment. We don’t rise early, we don’t practice yoga, and we don’t cook every meal from scratch. We’re exhausted, often late, and overwhelmed, just trying to keep our heads above water.
We appear to have it together until we don’t. We can be patient until we can’t. We recognize grace until we become blind to it.
This is the moment where we need to pause. The grace is still there; it’s just that we become incapable of seeing it. We lose sight of the light when we focus solely on the darkness. Often, we perceive ourselves as failing because we are comparing ourselves to a fabricated ideal. We envision a woman with a flawless marriage, a fit physique from her 5 a.m. workouts, home-cooked organic meals, immaculate bathrooms, well-mannered children, and a schedule packed with volunteering and community service. These unrealistic standards leave us feeling inadequate, interpreting our shortcomings as failures.
These false benchmarks cloud our vision and obscure the grace that illuminates our everyday lives. When we resist these impossible ideals, we begin to recognize the stars that pierce through the darkness, allowing us to appreciate the beauty around us.
Dear mothers, if you feel like you’re falling short, know this: you’re not. You’re doing well. Your children don’t need a mother who is preoccupied with maintaining a façade of perfection or competing with the pristine image of others. They need a mother who embraces life fully, loves deeply, and is entirely present.
We don’t need to stress about keeping everything in order or achieving unattainable standards. What truly matters is pouring immense love into the small moments of our lives. It is love that can wash away feelings of inadequacy. Small moments of love are found in the morning routines, splashing in the pool with little ones, and preparing meal after meal. This love reminds us that every facet of our lives is significant, and that the ordinary moments are where grace resides. It allows us to take a breath, put one foot in front of the other, and recognize that this journey of raising, teaching, and nurturing children is both wild and magical.
Love is more profound and expansive than we often realize. It carries us through the challenges and is tender as we comfort our little ones or soothe a hurt. Love is exhausting yet courageous, and it is the quiet reminder that ultimately prevails. Love moves us, matters deeply, and is what our children see when they look at us.
So, mothers, you are not failing; you are loving your children fiercely. Silence those nagging voices of inadequacy. Remember to love yourself fiercely as well. Continue with your efforts and focus on the next small task with immense love, then step back and observe the wonderful life you have nurtured and notice the stars.
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In summary, embrace the love you have for your children, quiet the voices of doubt, and recognize that you are doing an incredible job as a mother.
Keyphrase: Self-love in parenting
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