Attention Parents: Children Exhibit Remarkable Forgiveness Skills

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When my son, Ethan, was just 4 years old, his closest friend unexpectedly punched him in the face and snatched his snack. A mere few minutes later, they were back to playing together as if nothing had happened. I watched my little boy, with his tousled brown hair, laughing with this friend and marveled at how he could so easily brush off such an incident.

This wasn’t typical behavior for the friend; it was the first real altercation they’d experienced. If someone were to hit me and steal my food, I would certainly not be able to move on so quickly. I can confidently say that I wouldn’t be engaging in any games shortly thereafter.

What I’ve observed in my children is their incredible capacity for forgiveness. Ethan is now 9, and as far as I can tell, he has never harbored a grudge. His younger siblings, ages 6 and 2, also seem to have this natural ability to forgive. Sure, they have expressed their frustration with me—sometimes even throwing tantrums over lost privileges like screen time or playdates. I’ve seen my 6-year-old, Mia, yank her sister’s hair and pop a balloon, only to be giggling and watching cartoons together just moments later.

Perhaps this phenomenon is unique to my children, or maybe other kids under 10 share this trait. Regardless, I recognize that at some point during their teenage years, they will likely learn to hold onto anger and resentment. I cannot pinpoint when I learned to do so.

In my role as a parent, I focus on teaching my children various skills, from basic hygiene to academics. However, I often overlook the lessons I can learn from them. Their ability to forgive rapidly—whether it’s me, their friends, or anyone else—offers a valuable insight.

At 33 years old, I have witnessed numerous individuals hold grudges that last for years. I’ve seen siblings sever ties over trivial matters, such as money or a borrowed item. While I acknowledge that some actions may be unforgivable, I believe most can be forgiven. Children seem to innately understand this; they won’t allow grievances to linger, for it disrupts their playtime. Reflecting on how many joyful moments can be lost due to our inability to let go, I wish I could emulate their forgiving nature.

Now, I don’t mean to imply that anyone should feel free to come to my home, punch me, and take my food without consequences. That’s a bit extreme. However, the concept of “learning to forgive” is often misrepresented; forgiveness is something we are born with. What typically occurs is that individuals learn to hold grudges over time, and it’s time we unlearn that behavior.

To illustrate, that day when Ethan was hit could have been completely ruined, but it wasn’t. They enjoyed hours of play, laughter, and fun, repeating this pattern weekly until we moved. It makes me reflect on the rewarding moments I might miss out on because I hold onto past grievances.

This realization extends to my older brother. We haven’t spoken in nearly a year. As kids, we were inseparable, frequently forgiving each other after squabbles. Somewhere along the way, though, we learned to harbor resentment. A combination of differing political views and religious beliefs led to our conversations becoming fraught with tension, ultimately causing him to stop responding to my attempts to reach out.

Considering the bond we once shared, I wonder what moments we’ve lost due to this division. The solution may lie in our mutual forgiveness, just like my children exemplify. I plan to reach out to him again, hoping for a positive response, and if I get the chance, I will apologize. If you have someone in your life with whom you’ve lost touch, take a cue from your children’s forgiving nature and make an effort to reconnect.

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In summary, children possess an extraordinary ability to forgive, a trait that adults often lose over time. By observing and learning from their innate forgiveness, we can enrich our relationships and reclaim joyful moments lost to grudges.

Keyphrase: children’s forgiveness skills

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