Dear Toddler,
While I may possess T-shirts that are older than you, in your brief three years on this planet, you have somehow acquired an astonishing amount of knowledge. Simply ask, or sometimes even before we ask, and you will offer your spirited opinions on everything from how to pronounce words to your forecasts about the weather. The phrase “you’re wrong” seems to be non-existent in your vocabulary. You’ve been gifted with boundless wisdom, which you generously share with those fortunate enough to orbit your world—your parents. Here are some of the invaluable lessons you’ve imparted:
- The correct spelling of “dog” is “C-F-H,” and questioning this will lead to severe consequences.
- Toast is never to be cut into triangles—unless, of course, you suddenly decide you prefer triangles.
- Dandelions are undeniably flowers, regardless of how many fluffy seeds you’ve blown away.
- The concept of “too cold to go pantless” simply does not exist.
- You are absolutely not a baby.
- Tucking your shoelaces inside your shoes is indeed a legitimate form of tying them, and you can do it entirely on your own!
- Running out of string cheese or yogurt tubes is a catastrophe of epic proportions.
- My food, irrespective of what it is, is far more delectable than whatever gourmet dish you have.
- It’s entertaining to discover what objects can fit in that little hole in the toilet, except for poop, which should be a surprise in other locations.
- This is your side of the bed, the other side too, both pillows, and nearly all of the blanket, except for six inches.
- My hands and purse are perfectly suitable for holding trash and discarded food.
- Crackers are classified as a food group.
- “Sleeping in” is a thing of the past—unless we have an early engagement, in which case you resemble a hibernating bear, and I face the consequences of waking you.
- The aisles of Target are the ideal backdrop for a tantrum.
- If you need something, it must be obtained immediately—regardless of whether I’m in bed, on the toilet, or on the phone.
- A walk is enjoyable for about two minutes, after which it becomes a “carry.”
- Your meals and drinks must be served in the specific dishes you requested—or else.
- Your preferences can change at a moment’s notice, and everyone around you should adapt seamlessly.
- No height is too great to attempt to climb, especially if snacks are suspected to be present.
- You could live on Goldfish crackers for days until I buy them in bulk, at which point they become “yucky.”
- If a nap is interrupted, it’s wise not to make direct eye contact for a while.
- The best time to poop is right before we leave the house, ideally after coats are zipped, shoes are tied, and keys are ready.
- Your concern for my punctuality is nonexistent.
- All injuries require Band-Aids—even those that are invisible.
- You can sleep through almost anything, except for the sound of late-night snacks or your parents’ intimate moments.
- The idea of “you’ve seen this episode countless times, let’s watch something new” is foreign to you.
- From your little throne in the backseat, you know the driving directions to every location.
- Being logical isn’t your strong point.
- Chicken nuggets are meant to be shaped like animals or dinosaurs.
- In the realm of fashion, everything matches everything; capes, rain boots, and tutus are all acceptable public attire.
You may embody many traits, dear toddler, but being reasonable and adaptable is not among them. Recognizing this sooner rather than later will benefit everyone involved, minimizing the chances of inciting your wrath. It doesn’t hurt that you’re incredibly cute; your chubby cheeks and pudgy fingers may seem angelic, but they can be quite deceiving. Almost makes it worthwhile… I said “almost.”
Love,
Mommy
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In summary, the lessons learned from toddlers can be numerous and profound, often highlighting the quirks of their development and the challenges parents face. Embracing these moments can lead to a more harmonious household.
Keyphrase: toddler parenting principles
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