It has been nearly 12 years since I tied the knot, and the question of my surname continues to perplex family, friends, and colleagues alike. My last name has remained unchanged, yet many people still struggle to refer to me. Should they use my husband’s surname? A hyphenated version of both our names? A blend of the two? In this day and age, it still seems unusual for a married woman to retain her maiden name. I often find myself fielding inquiries about my choice and how it might affect our children. Some women cautiously ask if my husband is upset about my decision, while men boldly declare they would never permit their wives to keep their maiden names. Why all this fuss?
For me, the answer is straightforward: this is my name, and I intend to keep it. No disrespect to my partner or anyone else, but I simply see no compelling reason to change it.
1. Marriage Doesn’t Mean Identity Loss
My love for my partner doesn’t equate to losing my identity. I cherish our relationship because we each bring unique strengths that enhance our partnership. Therefore, why should I adopt his name? I don’t aim to become more like him; rather, our individuality is what strengthens our bond, including our names.
2. My Name Represents My Identity
My name is a representation of my history and personal journey. I have worked hard to establish a reputation that I am proud of. Why should I abandon that simply because I fell in love? I wasn’t a “maiden” waiting to be rescued. I was a woman with my own story—one that is just as vital as my partner’s.
3. Tradition Lacks Conviction
A common argument against keeping my maiden name is tradition. “But it’s tradition,” they say. However, I am not swayed by this reasoning. Just because something has always been done doesn’t mean it should continue. For instance, we also have the tradition of presidential turkey pardons at Thanksgiving—adorable, but not necessary.
4. Different Last Names Don’t Diminish Family Unity
Having distinct last names does not undermine our family unit. My partner has his name, I have mine, and our children bear a hyphenated surname that honors both of us. Explaining their names to them is simpler than justifying why they all share Daddy’s name. Their names reflect their connection to both parents.
5. Reciprocity in Name Change Should Be Mutual
I do not expect my partner to take my name or even hyphenate. So why should I be expected to do so? If both partners agree to a name change, that’s wonderful. But if neither feels obligated to change, then why should it be expected of one?
6. Supportive Partner
One of the reasons I value my partner is his laid-back approach to life. He never pressured me to take his surname; in fact, I don’t remember him even asking. Once, he noted that some friends teased him about “allowing” me to keep my name, but he didn’t seem bothered. His confidence in our relationship is apparent, and he respects my decision.
7. The Hassle Factor
Changing my name would involve a considerable amount of paperwork, from driver’s licenses to passports. It’s an unnecessary headache, especially considering the potential for divorce and subsequent name changes. My name remains constant throughout my life, making it easier for anyone to find me.
8. Preserving My Surname
My grandparents had only sons, which means that if I followed tradition, my surname would vanish with my generation. Since I value my heritage as much as my partner’s, maintaining my maiden name was essential to ensure my lineage continues.
9. Challenging Norms
There’s a certain empowerment in challenging societal expectations, especially when there’s no strong reason to conform. At the end of the day, my choice is mine to make. Anyone who disagrees need not follow suit.
In summary, I did not lose my identity upon marrying my partner. My name did not undergo a transformation; it remains a part of who I am. I would not have chosen to marry someone who took issue with my decision to retain my last name. For better or worse, I embraced my identity and maintained my name.
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