Updated: May 14, 2020
Originally Published: March 18, 2016
My partner often reassures me that I still “have it.” He chuckles at my jokes, or perhaps he’s laughing at my antics. Regardless, there’s laughter between us, and that’s undoubtedly a positive aspect of our relationship.
Of course, we also have our moments of irritation. Such is life when two individuals decide to share their lives and raise a family. In fact, I believe that our ability to annoy one another adds to our “spark.”
Our marriage reached its tenth anniversary last year. We have been fortunate to welcome three wonderful children into our lives while navigating the complexities of co-parenting—one of whom is now a tween. Just take a moment to consider that.
We didn’t experience the infamous seven-year itch, nor have we faced infidelity or dramatic conflicts that pushed us to the edge of divorce. We’ve lived in his country (England) and now reside in mine (Canada). Compromises have been made on both sides.
Overall, our decade together has been remarkable. We’ve been lucky.
I recognize that my partner is continuously working to accept the free spirit within me. She has been a part of me since we met, and I intend to keep her alive! Meanwhile, I’m learning to appreciate his logical approach to life, which can sometimes feel rigid. For the most part, we respect our differences, understanding that they have been the foundation of our initial attraction and provide diverse influences for our children.
However, there are times when I would like to give him a piece of my mind, and I know there are moments he might feel similarly about my stubbornness. Such is the dynamic when a Type A personality pairs with a Type B. Yet, I genuinely cherish our marriage. It exceeds my expectations, and I wouldn’t change any aspect of it.
Nonetheless, I am acutely aware that complacency can be dangerous.
Today’s contentment could easily become tomorrow’s heartache. Despite our promises of forever, I do not take for granted that divorce could be on the horizon for us.
Ten years is not a long time in the grand scheme of a lifetime. My parents divorced when I was 11 years old, and while their marriage seemed solid—filled with laughter and companionship—it ultimately dissolved after 15 years.
Separation and dissatisfaction are prevalent in today’s society. As individuals reach middle age, they evolve, and relationships can falter. In some cases, couples simply lose the drive to work on their relationship, while in others, challenging circumstances can bring out the worst in partners, leading to cracks in the marriage. Betrayals can occur, leaving spouses blindsided by the unhappiness of their partners.
I understand how this can happen. Life can become overwhelmingly busy, making it easy to lose sight of our own needs and those of our partners. Sometimes, what we wish to be true simply isn’t.
I recently encountered a concept that emphasizes the significance of responding to a partner’s “bids” for connection. This involves recognizing and addressing their expressed needs. Ignoring these bids can lead to feelings of discontentment.
This notion has made me reflect on our emotional needs. My partner, who would be hesitant about my sharing this, tends not to voice his needs directly. Unlike him, I am open about mine. As a Type A individual, he often prefers to project an image of control and productivity, so I find myself interpreting his subtle cues to ensure his needs are met.
While I know that this effort alone cannot guarantee the security of my marriage, I remain committed to doing my part. Even small adjustments can help us maintain a healthy relationship.
I will continue this effort—for him, for us, and for our children. However, I realize that no amount of effort can ensure complete safety in marriage.
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Summary:
In summary, complacency in marriage poses a significant risk, and while a decade of partnership can feel secure, it does not guarantee a lifetime of happiness. Continuous effort and responsiveness to each other’s emotional needs are essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Awareness is key in navigating the complexities of marriage, particularly as life evolves.
Keyphrase: Risks of Complacency in Marriage
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