Recently, at a birthday gathering, I observed a young girl, around 5 or 6 years old, push aside a toddler who was still learning to walk, just so she could be the first to slide down. The older girl’s mother simply remarked, “Oops! Be careful with the little ones!” Meanwhile, the toddler was in tears over a hurt finger, and the girl ran off without so much as a glance back. It was a moment of shared disbelief between the toddler’s mother and me—what just happened?
This kind of behavior isn’t an isolated case. I frequently witness parents allowing their children to act inappropriately without any consequences. Many articles advocate for a permissive parenting style, promoting the notion that we should let children learn through their experiences. Parents are so apprehensive about being labeled as “helicopter parents” that they often stand by, even in situations that clearly call for intervention.
Can we find a better balance?
Let me clarify: I believe in allowing children to learn from their experiences. Friends would describe me as a free-range parent rather than a hovering one. My children, aged 9 and 5, have developed independence, partly due to my relaxed approach. They are capable of making their own breakfast, primarily because I enjoy sleeping in on weekends. I assure you, I am not a hoverer.
However, when it involves more intricate social interactions such as empathy, accountability, generosity, respecting personal space, and handling conflict, it is crucial for parents to be actively involved. If there were ever a scenario that warranted a more engaged parenting style, it’s when a child displays a lack of consideration for others.
Sure, a child who regularly displays selfish behavior may eventually learn from their peers that such actions are unacceptable. They might experience social ostracism that prompts them to reflect on their behavior. But at what expense? How many children must they hurt in the process? How many potential friendships must they lose before they understand their mistakes? And what if they never learn?
The truth is, children can be quite self-centered. From the moment they are born, they often display a lack of awareness towards others’ feelings. Babies are naturally demanding and oblivious to discomfort, often crying or acting out without remorse. They continue this behavior until someone steps in and says, “That hurts. Please stop.”
It is our responsibility to guide our children away from selfish tendencies. We can achieve this by modeling kindness and respect, but we must also intervene when our children harm others. We need to get down to their level and explain, “Listen, I know you didn’t mean it, but you hurt Jamie when you stepped on her fingers. She’s crying; doesn’t that make you feel sad? It might help if you say sorry and give her a hug.”
Lessons in empathy are not innate; not every child will naturally learn them. As parents, we must get involved and assume a more active role, even if it’s just for a brief moment. It is essential for our children and for the sake of future generations.
If we neglect this responsibility, we risk raising individuals who lack compassion.
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In summary, while encouraging independence is important, parents must also actively teach empathy and kindness to ensure that children grow up to be considerate individuals.
Keyphrase: parenting for empathy
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