A few weeks ago, while shopping at a mall, I noticed a joyful couple sitting on a bench outside. The man gazed at the woman with such warmth that I found myself captivated by their interaction. He had just given her a cookie, and she beamed as she took her first bite, even offering him some, which he politely declined. Their deep conversation was so engaging that they seemed unaware of my presence as I completed my transactions.
At one point, he tenderly brushed a strand of hair from her face—a gesture that struck me as incredibly sweet. As I prepared to leave, I paused near the entrance, drawn to their chemistry. She animatedly shared a story, and his unwavering focus on her face, complemented by his broad smile, indicated how much he cherished her company. The cookie lay forgotten in her lap as he continued to find reasons to touch her, suggesting that mere proximity wasn’t enough for him.
Eventually, I realized I was intruding on their intimate moment and decided to exit the store. As I joined my husband and our daughter, I reflected on the last time my husband had looked at me with such affection. Honestly, I couldn’t recall. Observing how he interacted with our daughter—full of patience and kindness—was a stark contrast to our own exchanges, which had become routine and mechanical.
Our relationship had shifted into a series of transactional interactions: “Can you handle this?” or “What’s for dinner?” The romance had faded, replaced by curt exchanges, empty gazes, and sighs that had become all too familiar. In that moment, I recognized that our marriage resembled a business arrangement more than a loving partnership. My husband’s heart seemed devoted to our daughter, who had undoubtedly captured both our hearts.
I have always believed that my husband should shower our daughter with love and affection, ensuring she grows up expecting such treatment. I harbor no resentment towards their bond; however, as we walked through the parking lot, I felt like an outsider. It dawned on me that while we were successfully teaching our daughter about parental love, we were neglecting to model how to nurture a romantic relationship.
I worried about the example we were setting. Would she one day view love as purely a source of security rather than joy? The thought was painful, even more so than the recent disdain I felt from my husband during an argument.
When we reached our car, my husband opened the door for our daughter but left me standing in the cold, seemingly unaware of my internal struggle. As I settled into the car, silence enveloped us as he and our daughter sang along to the radio. After a moment, he turned to me and asked, “What’s bothering you?”
Forcing a smile, I replied, “Nothing, just tired,” and joined in their song, a response I had grown accustomed to—smile, suppress feelings, and carry on. I recognized that this approach wasn’t addressing my needs or the example I wished to set for our daughter. However, I also dislike conflict, especially in front of her, so I chose to accept that my husband was likely unaware of how I felt.
In light of this realization, I made a decision to focus on improving our relationship. I choose to appreciate that I married a man who loves our child wholeheartedly. Some may argue I’m settling, but I see it differently. If he can love her with such intensity, I believe he is capable of extending that love to me as well. I realized he probably doesn’t recognize my feelings of neglect because I often keep quiet for the sake of harmony.
Moreover, as a woman, I acknowledged that I had fallen into the common trap of trying to fulfill societal expectations as a mother and wife without asking my husband what he needed from me as a partner. With this understanding, my first step will be to inquire about his needs. Secondly, I must communicate my own needs to him because neither of us can read minds.
I will strive to be the kind of partner I hope our daughter will emulate. This includes showing interest in his day, offering to give him a shoulder rub while he drives, and most importantly, looking at him with the affection I wish to receive in return. I believe this approach will lead us to a better place.
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In summary, it is crucial to nurture both parental and romantic relationships to present a balanced model of love to our children. By actively communicating needs and fostering affection, we can create an environment that encourages love in all its forms.
Keyphrase: rekindling love in marriage
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