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So You’re Curious About My Baby’s Sleep Patterns?
by Emma Thompson
Updated: Aug. 15, 2017
Originally Published: Jan. 4, 2016
“How is he sleeping?”
This is the question I receive most often. It comes up in nearly every conversation, right after the initial greeting. It’s usually accompanied by a head tilt, a furrowed brow, a slow nod, and a sympathetic tone.
I understand why people ask this—it’s a common concern when speaking to a weary mother who appears more like a weathered shed than a fully functional person. I’m not offended by it; it’s a natural inquiry. However, I find myself dreading it.
Not because of the question itself, but due to the anticipated response that follows. The exchange typically unfolds like this:
“How is he sleeping?” (head tilt, furrowed brow)
“Not very well?” I often phrase my answer as a question, even though I know it’s a definitive statement.
“That’s tough.” (slow nod, sympathetic tone) “Have you tried…?”
And this is the part I dread the most. The question would be perfectly acceptable if it didn’t lead to unsolicited advice. It feels like being lured into a dark alley where someone steals your wallet and bombards you with unwanted suggestions:
“Have you tried a white noise machine? What about formula? Have you considered letting him cry it out? Have you tried this program? That book? These methods? Have you tried…? Have you tried…?”
It seems that everyone I encounter feels compelled to share at least their two cents, if not their entire life savings of advice. While I appreciate their intentions, it becomes overwhelmingly burdensome. There are countless things I should be doing that I’m not, or things I’m doing that I shouldn’t be, or methods I’m employing incorrectly. It seems that if I could just discover the right approach, my baby would sleep soundly through the night like all the other children.
Recently, a friend posed The Question. I felt a sense of detachment as her words reached me. She had just welcomed her first child a few days prior and had devoured numerous books on childbirth and infant care. Armed with a plethora of untested theories, I braced myself for her sleep advice after just one week of motherhood (sarcastic eye roll).
I mumbled my usual response about his poor sleep patterns, and she replied, “Ah. That’s pretty normal, huh?”
Her use of the word “normal” struck me.
Suddenly, my baby’s sleep issues weren’t a problem that needed fixing. They didn’t require advice because there was nothing wrong with him or with me. Some babies simply don’t sleep well, and that’s perfectly okay.
You might think this realization is obvious, but it was one of the most relieving things I’ve ever heard.
I’m not suggesting there aren’t strategies I could pursue to improve his sleep—there are books I could read or methods I could try. I’m still striving for the elusive goal of uninterrupted sleep rather than fitful catnaps. I even seek advice from a select few trusted sources. Yet, when people present me with The Question, I now respond confidently with five words: “He’s sleeping like a baby.”
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Summary
In the world of new motherhood, the question of a baby’s sleep often leads to unsolicited advice that can feel overwhelming. However, recognizing that sleep struggles are normal can be a relief. By reframing the conversation, mothers can assert their own experiences and find comfort in shared challenges, while also seeking guidance from trusted sources.
Keyphrase: Baby sleep patterns
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