Updated: December 24, 2015
“Keep bathroom discussions out of your relationship.” “Some matters should stay private.” Those who make such statements likely haven’t experienced parenthood. They probably also think that whenever my partner turns the doorknob, I should be ready with a flawless appearance, a spotless home, and a smile that hides any challenges I faced that day. Not a chance.
Before welcoming a furry friend and a little one into our lives, I can’t recall discussing bathroom habits with my partner. We may have been immature and overly candid, but those conversations were few and far between. Now, it seems like every day involves conversations about bodily functions. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about parenthood, it’s that poop becomes a central focus. Here’s how:
6. The Status Update
When transferring care of our child to the other parent, the inevitable question arises: “Did he poop?” Countless times, before I even greet my partner after work, I’ll provide an update on our toddler’s bowel movements, including details on consistency and color. It’s not pleasant to write about, but fellow parents understand—this is the reality of life.
5. Diaper Change Showdowns
We’ve resorted to playful bets over who will tackle diaper changes, with the loser taking on that “honor.” Our son, however, seems to view the changing table as a site of torture, squirming and screaming throughout the process. After diaper changes, I often feel triumphant yet utterly defeated. We’ve been known to bribe him with treats—definitely not our proudest parenting moment, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
4. The Google Dilemma
Yes, I’ve searched Google for information about baby poop. Sometimes this includes image searches. Once, I did it to ensure my child was healthy, but after that experience, I thought, “Never again.” Now, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve found myself engaging in this peculiar behavior, always with a health-related reason. It’s not as strange as it sounds, right?
3. The Diaper-Free Hazard
Having a diaper-free child can be risky. Valuable items may end up soiled. During one diaper change, I allowed my toddler to hold my phone, only to look down and find him peeing while sitting cross-legged. Thankfully, my phone emerged unscathed, but I’ve come to realize that ignorance can indeed be bliss.
2. Diapers Have Their Limits
You’ll remind yourself to check your child before scooping them up, but this lesson often comes too late. I once found myself in a public bathroom, scrubbing poop off my shirt while a curious child asked me, “Is that poo?” How did I, a supposedly educated individual, end up in this situation? It’s simple: I heard my child crying and rushed to help, only to be blindsided by a major blowout.
1. Nothing Remains Private
Your bathroom is no longer a sanctuary. Expect to have your child stare at you while you try to conduct your business. There have been times in Target when I’ve held my toddler while on the toilet, attempting to pull up my pants with one hand. It’s a comical dance that leaves me feeling decidedly uncomposed. I know I appear put-together with my manicured nails and styled hair, but I’m always just moments away from an unexpected mess.
Parenthood is transformative. While many speak of the profound love and selflessness that come with raising children, it’s essential to acknowledge the humbling experiences involving bodily functions. The journey is not just about emotional growth; it’s also about navigating the messy realities of life, especially when it comes to poop.
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Summary
Parenthood often involves unexpected challenges, particularly when it comes to bodily functions. From discussing bowel movements to diaper changes, the focus on poop can dominate daily life. While many parents find humor in these situations, the reality is that parenting humbles and transforms individuals in ways they may not anticipate.
Keyphrase: “parenthood and bodily functions”
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