As a mother, there exists an extensive emotional and cognitive load that women carry daily. I can vividly recall the first gentle movements of my children while they were still in utero—one felt like a delicate fish gliding through water, while the other was more like a flickering firefly. The memories of holding my newborns, their warm, wailing bodies pressed against my skin, are etched in my heart. I also carry with me the memory of the child I lost, even if the pregnancy lasted only a fleeting week; my heart aches for the possibilities that never came to be.
Alongside love, my heart also harbors fear—like the moment I thought my child had fainted in the bathtub or that terrifying afternoon when my toddler dashed into a busy parking lot. My love for my children is immense, accompanied by an instinctual drive to protect them.
I anticipated the overwhelming emotions that would accompany motherhood upon seeing those two lines on a pregnancy test; in that instant, my heart expanded with love. However, I was unprepared for the multitude of responsibilities that would inhabit my mind. These little beings rely on me for organization, and their lives are filled with numerous demands: homework to complete, clean clothes that fit, and a fridge that empties faster than I can restock it.
My partner, bless his heart, simply doesn’t seem to retain the minutiae of our daily lives. He is a wonderful father and provider but tracking everyone’s schedules and needs is not his forte. Consequently, the weight of these responsibilities often falls on my shoulders. I excel at managing them, perhaps too well, leading to what some may call “momnesia,” which has lingered long past the baby years. This mental burden sometimes makes it difficult for me to wind down at night, leaving me with little cognitive energy for pursuits beyond motherhood.
Current Mental Inventory
Currently, my mind is a repository for a myriad of details:
- The exact location of each child’s water bottle, the amount of water left, and when they will need a refill.
- The last day my toddler had a bowel movement, its consistency, and my prediction of when the next one will occur—timing this precisely to avoid diaper shortages.
- The contents of my child’s backpack, down to the ruler at the bottom and the lint-covered mitten tucked in the outer pocket.
- A complete inventory of my sons’ pants, including their condition, how well they fit, and the timeline for when they will need replacements.
- The precise moments each child fell asleep and woke up, allowing me to anticipate when the evening chaos will begin anew.
- A mental tally of snacks in the pantry and their remaining quantities.
- Locations of every toy in the house, save for those elusive tiny pieces that always seem to disappear.
- Records of each child’s last doctor and dental visits, along with the impending need for new appointments.
- Lists of items that need to be acquired: library books to reserve, birthday gifts to consider, a ripped bathmat to replace, vitamins to reorder, and specific snacks that can only be found at a specialty store miles away.
- Each permission slip that requires a signature, all upcoming projects and assignments, the next PTA meeting date, and how many make-up playdates my eight-year-old believes he is entitled to.
Despite the overwhelming nature of this mental load, I recognize that it is temporary. One day, I will reclaim some of that mental space—perhaps I will even find time to read a novel again (currently, anything over 800 words feels daunting). Eventually, I hope my children will begin to shoulder some of these responsibilities themselves.
For now, however, I bear this cognitive burden. It can be exhausting and frustrating, but when I reflect on how fleeting these moments are, I find beauty in the chaos. From patching holes in jeans to trimming those adorable ringlets, these details define both their lives and mine as their mother. These two precious boys have claimed my heart, and I willingly let them have a few of my brain cells as well, all the while hoping to reclaim some in the future.
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In summary, the mental load of motherhood encompasses a vast array of responsibilities that often feel overwhelming but also provide profound meaning and joy. As we navigate these challenges, it is essential to acknowledge both the beauty and the burden of this journey.
Keyphrase: mental load of motherhood
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