“Look, it’s Uncle Mark!”
When my younger brother, who lives several states away, appeared on our television screen, I initially thought my 3-year-old son was imagining things. He was, in fact, pointing at an image of NBA star LeBron James. The contrast between Uncle Mark’s 5-foot-8 stature and LeBron’s towering presence was striking, yet my son was drawing a connection based on skin color.
On another occasion, Uncle Mark morphed into Seattle Seahawks quarterback Tyler Lockett. A few weeks later, he identified him as a random college basketball player during March Madness. As a sports enthusiast, I recognized the pattern emerging in my son’s observations.
It was clear: my child was beginning to notice skin color, linking Uncle Mark, who is “brown,” to the African-American athletes he admired on screen. While I found the comparisons amusing, I felt a wave of concern wash over me.
My apprehension was not about discussing race; as a mother of color, I understood these conversations were essential. In fact, Black parents often initiate these discussions earlier out of necessity. I knew this was a normal developmental phase, as children begin to recognize and verbalize color differences around the ages of 2 or 3.
However, I struggled with how to approach this topic with a mixed-race child, one who might not fully identify with being either Black or White, and who may not yet grasp the concept of being “both.” I worried that I had not adequately exposed him to diverse role models. Although we lived next to an Indian family and his daycare was diverse, most adults he interacted with regularly were White.
Given that Uncle Mark was the only young Black male in his life, I feared that my son might form limited associations, seeing young Black men exclusively as athletes with no other context.
So, during one conversation, I asked him, “What color are you?” He replied, “I’m White, like Daddy.”
I gently corrected him, saying, “You’re both Brown and White. You’re a little like Mommy and a little like Daddy.” To be fair, he was equally confused about distinguishing between White individuals. He associated various White figures from television with his dad, demonstrating that while he noted skin color, he was also aware of other attributes such as age and body type.
Listening closely, my worries began to fade. Yes, my son recognized color differences, but he hadn’t internalized any societal biases that devalue certain skin tones. He embraced his friends with brown skin and those from “Chinese” backgrounds without any negative judgments.
This gave me hope that our intentional efforts—participating in cultural events, seeking diversity in his daycare, and selecting books and programs that reflect our society’s richness—were paying off. He viewed it as normal to have friends from various backgrounds, feeling comfortable with both “brown” and “peach” families.
I acknowledge that as children grow, they inevitably encounter negative societal messages. However, I believe that fostering authentic friendships across racial lines during early childhood can set a solid foundation.
Now, at age 6, my son’s racial awareness has evolved. He no longer identifies solely as “White like Daddy,” but rather views himself as “peach.” He joyfully noted one day in the bath that he shared a color with his younger brother, who had not yet arrived.
He even described himself as light brown, and amusingly compared Uncle Mark to various celebrities like Puff Daddy. It seems he appreciates being “a little of both,” a sentiment I wholeheartedly share.
In conclusion, navigating racial identity in children, particularly those from mixed backgrounds, poses unique challenges. However, early exposure to diverse influences and open conversations about race can foster a healthy understanding and appreciation of one’s identity.
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Keyphrase: Understanding Racial Awareness in Children
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