One of the fundamental lessons I learned in childhood was the importance of expressing gratitude, particularly through saying “please” and “thank you.” As a dutiful student in a Catholic school, I adhered strictly to this principle. Now, the act of saying thank you has become second nature to me, often leading me to include it at the end of emails with an enthusiastic exclamation point—even when it might not be warranted.
Since welcoming my son into the world seven months ago, my instinct to express gratitude has intensified. I frequently find myself thanking my partner, Mark, for both routine and significant parenting tasks. I show appreciation for everything from diaper changes to daycare pickups, hoping to communicate that I value his involvement and that parenting is not solely my responsibility.
While I am aware that Mark values my contributions, his expressions of gratitude tend to be less frequent. This may stem from a traditional belief that I am simply fulfilling my maternal role. Our societal norms have not evolved significantly, leading to a division where he is seen as the hunter and I, the gatherer.
Mark is what many would describe as an “engaged” father, a term I find somewhat frustrating. This label often comes with undue praise when fathers handle everyday responsibilities that typically go unnoticed when performed by mothers.
Picture this: while dining at a popular Italian restaurant, a baby starts to cry. Dad steps in to feed the infant with a bottle, allowing Mom to savor her meal. A nearby diner comments, “You’re so fortunate he’s such an engaged dad. I always had to do the feeding.” Meanwhile, if the roles were reversed, no one would bat an eye at Mom feeding the baby. It’s just perceived as her duty.
It’s time to elevate our expectations of fathers. They should not be relegated to the sidelines until it’s time for recreational activities with their children. Instead, they ought to share responsibilities equally with their partners, handling tasks as needed without expecting excessive praise.
Some may argue that shared parenting isn’t truly equal because biological factors often place mothers in charge of feeding, especially if breastfeeding is chosen. My situation was unique; my son arrived six weeks early, and I faced challenges in producing breast milk. Consequently, Mark took on the feeding responsibility right from when our baby was in the NICU.
Moreover, there are numerous other parental duties that fathers can fulfill. While some mothers may doubt that dads can execute tasks as effectively, it’s essential to allow them the opportunity to learn and improve. The increasing number of stay-at-home dads is a promising sign that traditional roles are shifting. Both mothers and fathers can excel within the home environment. The next phase involves facilitating their return to professional work and advocating for parental leave that supports both genders.
My aspiration is that by the time my son becomes a father, it will no longer be necessary to thank him for simply feeding his child. This expectation should become the new norm, rather than an exception.
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Summary
In conclusion, it is important to reassess the way we express gratitude towards fathers for their roles in parenting. Instead of showering them with praise for basic responsibilities, we should aim for an equal partnership in parenting duties. It’s crucial to foster an environment where both parents can share responsibilities without the expectation of being rewarded for simply fulfilling their roles.
Keyphrase: parenting equality
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