“Brilliant minds, kid.” I find myself saying this often to my children whenever our thoughts align. “Brilliant minds!” Occasionally, I toss in, “If I had a dollar…” and leave it hanging. On days when I’m feeling particularly antiquated, I might say, “If I had a nickel…” but I’ve come to realize my kids don’t grasp that the shiny metal disks they collect and scatter across the house are actual currency. They seem to prefer the paper bills instead.
I don’t finish these phrases because I know what I mean. But do my kids find them perplexing? Quite possibly. Will they grow up to analyze these half-sayings in classrooms and think tanks, seeking their meanings? “Brilliant minds… are superior to decent minds? Brilliant minds… reside in fully functioning skulls? WHAT COULD THE END OF THAT WITTY PHRASE BE!?” Of course not, because they have Google. So, what I’m really imparting is that their mother is a puzzling figure, one they can overlook in favor of the omniscient Internet.
These expressions serve more as a verbal crutch for me than anything else. Like many adults, I have my own set of verbal quirks that replace meaningful responses. For instance, I say “Kool and the Gang” when I mean “yes, that’s great,” “Ground Control to Major Tom” when I want them to focus, and “chill, biscuit” when I mean “enough of the drama.”
It might as well be a foreign language. Kool and the Gang? Celebrate good times when your mother references bands you’ll only hear at weddings.
Another favorite of mine: “It’s your funeral.” I like to use vivid images to comment on their choices, like when they choose not to wear a jacket to school. “You don’t have to wear a coat to the bus stop, kid. Hey, it’s your funeral.”
If children drop slang to bond with peers and keep their parents guessing, it’s no surprise that parents also use expressions that confuse and distance their kids. I still grapple with “gotta see a man about a horse,” a phrase my father introduced me to back in the 1980s. Perhaps he wanted a euphemism for going to the bathroom, or maybe he just enjoyed being quirky.
There’s something amusing about keeping my kids guessing with my words. It’s a small perk of parenting, akin to saying “maybe” or “we’ll see.” Or maybe adults use such phrases to maintain an illusion of wisdom. Children expect us to have answers, insights, and the ability to open stubborn food packaging. They don’t realize that sometimes, we struggle to open a jar of jelly, too. But saying, “this jar is tighter than a duck’s backside, and that’s waterproof!” certainly makes us sound knowledgeable about duck anatomy.
Reflecting on the immense responsibilities of adulthood and parenthood, the notion that we must manage taxes and remember to enroll small humans in pee wee soccer is overwhelming. Just the other day, we discovered we had eaten half a ham sandwich before realizing the bread was moldy. If we can’t handle a loaf of bread, how can we possibly manage the complexities of raising children? Perhaps our cryptic expressions are a way to maintain the facade that we have everything under control, imparting an illusion of wisdom to our children. Eventually, they will grow up and realize that we are, in fact, just making our best guesses.
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Summary
Parenting often involves using cryptic phrases that leave children puzzled. These expressions serve as verbal tics for adults, creating an illusion of wisdom while maintaining a humorous distance. As parents navigate their responsibilities, they sometimes resort to ambiguous language to keep children guessing about their knowledge.
Keyphrase: Parenting language confusion
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