You eagerly requested permission to stroll to the local ice cream parlor with your younger sibling in the quaint seaside town we were visiting. “I’m 12 now, Mom,” you insisted, “almost 13. Please?” After some deliberation, your father and I decided to grant you this small taste of independence, even if it was merely a few doors down from where we were seated. We allowed you to enjoy an ice cream, dip your toes in the sand, and return home.
You received explicit instructions and a designated time to come back. You assured us that you understood our expectations. Trusting you, we watched as you and your sister made your way down the street, marveling at how quickly time had flown and how the moment to let go had arrived.
However, when the set return time came, you were nowhere to be found. You were late—very late. So late, in fact, that we had to walk to the beach to locate you. When we finally did, we were met with feeble excuses and eye rolls. To make matters worse, an apology was nowhere in sight.
Somehow, your tardiness became our fault. Your late return sparked our anger and frustration. “It was only five, maybe ten minutes! What’s the big deal?” you retorted, rolling your eyes as if this was a trivial matter.
We engaged in a discussion about trust, responsibility, and the importance of managing time, especially when deadlines or curfews are involved. We emphasized that the increased freedoms you would enjoy in the near future would depend on your ability to demonstrate maturity and respect for our guidelines.
Yet, you held firm. “I really don’t think I did anything wrong,” you said, your precocious twelve-year-old self standing your ground. It was a rookie mistake, one that shocked and baffled me, reminding me of your stubborn toddler years. That night, you went to bed without acknowledging your fault, much like the nights you were sent to bed early for your three-year-old defiance.
The struggle of wills continued into the following morning. You sat at the kitchen table, sulking over your cereal, radiating typical tween angst, while I sipped my coffee, contemplating how I had raised a child who couldn’t seem to apologize. Where had I gone wrong?
Then it struck me: I hadn’t adequately taught you how to express “I’m sorry”—at least not in a way that resonates with a tween. In your early years, I had taught you to repeat words you barely understood whenever you were unkind or broke a rule. Time-outs and early bedtimes were my way of instilling the concept of contrition, but those lessons were tailored for toddlers who needed to see apologies in action.
But you are no longer that little child. We are venturing into new territory filled with hormones, angst, and emotional complexities. Your body is changing, and your opinions are forming. You crave independence, yet when it arrives in small doses, it can feel overwhelming and exhilarating. This is a confusing phase for both of us, reminiscent of the challenges we faced when you were a toddler.
As I look back on your stubborn three-year-old self, I see how far we’ve come; the discipline methods I employed eventually bore fruit. Yet, as I gaze into your now-chiseled face over breakfast, I understand it’s time to begin teaching you once more. It’s time to guide you through another developmental phase.
I will teach you the intricacies of being a tween. I will stand firm in my expectations and maintain consistency. You may push against the boundaries, but I will respond with equal resolve. I will help you understand that sincere apologies for inappropriate behavior are crucial—not just casual, dismissive utterances, but genuine expressions of remorse. My goal is for you to leave my home equipped to meaningfully mend any hurt feelings you may cause.
You will learn the essential skill of saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. What can I do to make it up to you?” This practice will take place within the safe confines of our home, ensuring that situations like this one don’t occur when you step out into the wider world.
For now, as your hazel eyes meet mine and you sheepishly express your regret, I will accept that from you. We have a journey ahead of us, but for the moment, I will simply respond, “I know,” and prepare for the next lesson.
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Summary
Parenting tweens presents new challenges similar to those faced during toddlerhood. It’s essential to teach children the importance of sincere apologies and responsibility. As they navigate this phase, maintaining consistency and understanding is key to fostering their maturity and independence.
Keyphrase: Tween parenting advice
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