As we begin to instill the concept of chores in my 5-year-old son, his current responsibilities include putting away his toys each evening and “assisting” with laundry and vacuuming. Admittedly, his method of vacuuming often involves testing the hose on progressively larger objects, but it serves as an engineering lesson too—who knew an ace of hearts could fit in there?
We’ve also started an allowance system where he receives $1 for spending, $1 for saving, and $1 for donating. This approach follows the jar method suggested by Mark Thompson, author of Raising Kids Who Are Financially Savvy and Compassionate. Thompson emphasizes that allowance should not be tied to chores, as it is intended to be a tool for teaching money management—budgeting, distinguishing between needs and wants, and saving for future expenses. Just as children don’t earn their food and shelter, they don’t need to earn their allowance; it’s part of nurturing them.
This raises the question of whether children should earn extra money through additional chores. A post by Lisa Carter on social media sparked a lively discussion about the merits of paying children for chores, particularly those beyond daily tasks that are essential for a well-functioning home, such as cleaning gutters or organizing spaces.
Initially, I considered adopting a similar approach to Lisa, offering small rewards for tasks like raking leaves or bathing the dog. However, I reflected on my experiences with the men I’ve known. Often, while chores were distributed, it frequently fell to me—and, I suspect, to many women—to maintain a mental checklist of household tasks. We hope our partners will contribute willingly, yet it’s often the woman who oversees “what needs to be done.” This, in itself, is a chore.
My goal extends beyond merely teaching my sons to wash their dishes without complaint. I aspire for them to enter adulthood equipped with essential domestic skills: meal planning, knowing how to clean blinds, and understanding when to clear out gutters. I want them to be proactive rather than waiting for a partner to assign tasks.
A household operates on countless small tasks: calculating how much food to prepare for Thanksgiving, sourcing cleaning solutions, or deciding when to clean the fridge. This ongoing mental checklist is what defines a “household manager.” I want my sons to possess both household and financial management skills as they grow.
If I were to pay them for chores, there’s always the risk that they would opt out of less desirable tasks or only choose the “fun” ones. Unfortunately, that’s not how adult life works. Sometimes, you find yourself wrestling a muddy dog, and there’s no paycheck waiting for you afterward. So, as I teach my son how to remove an ace of hearts from the vacuum hose, I reinforce the value of contributing to our home without expecting payment.
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In summary, I choose not to pay my sons for chores because I want them to learn the intrinsic value of contributing to a household. Chores are part of life, and understanding how to manage them without expecting compensation prepares them for adulthood.
Keyphrase: why I won’t pay my sons to do chores
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