“Yes,” I replied, despite knowing it would ruin her appetite for dinner. “You can have as many as you want.”
The next day, I decided against sending her to day camp. Instead, I let her lounge on the couch in her pajamas, indulging in her favorite snacks while streaming shows on Netflix. I labeled it a mental health day. I allowed her to stay home again the following day, even though I work from home and was already falling behind. I had been heavily focused on my work and writing, but during moments of sadness, I turned to movies and pizza. Why shouldn’t she have the same freedom?
A couple of years ago, I encountered an article that questioned why we often extend more respect to our partners than to our children. On one particularly challenging day—when my patience had evaporated, and I found myself saying, “Don’t give me that look, or it’s straight to bed!”—I envisioned how I must have appeared. I would never speak that way to a friend, partner, or anyone else. So why was I talking to my daughter like that?
This approach wasn’t about treating her as a miniature adult; it was about granting her the same respect I offer to others. It wasn’t merely about treating her as I would like to be treated—though there’s an element of that. Ultimately, I wanted to create a more pleasant living environment for everyone.
My daughter is a selective eater. She has specific preferences for types, brands, sizes, and textures of food. Over the years, this has led to significant frustration and embarrassment, especially during dinner invitations at others’ homes. I’ve cycled through various stages of dealing with a picky eater—from desperation to bargaining, and even bribery. I’ve tried forcing her to take bites, to taste things that made her gag, and even attempted to inspire her to enjoy gardening like I do. She observes me (and now her younger sibling) consume multiple servings of vegetables daily, so it can’t be about the environment. The truth is, she has a pronounced sweet tooth and would go to great lengths for sugar, which I do my best to limit.
Recently, while she was away, my diet regressed to its old ways. Without the need to prepare meals and ensure she consumed something, I found myself eating oatmeal by noon and relying on coffee for sustenance. By evening, I often felt famished and would scramble to find something to eat, typically opting for whatever was easiest to prepare.
Today, I went on a significant grocery run, and of course, Mia wanted her usual treats, which I hadn’t bought in several months. I filled my cart with more fruits and fewer crackers, swapped tube yogurts for cups with whole ingredients, and even tried to buy only foods she could read the ingredients on. As I strolled the aisles, still disinterested in cooking, I noticed how often I thought, “No, I don’t like that” or “Ew!” Why couldn’t I extend the same respect to her food preferences?
So, I decided to purchase a few of her favorite junk food crackers, the ones I used to buy out of sheer desperation for her to get some calories. I even grabbed a small box of Lucky Charms at her request. When I returned home, we both began unloading the groceries, snacking on various items we had opened—fruit, chips, crackers, and hummus.
“If you’re hungry, I can prepare something for you,” I offered.
“I’m not hungry. I just want to snack,” she replied.
“Yeah, me too. I guess we’re both like that. We just enjoy snacking on what we like.”
And just like that, we came to an agreement. I designated a lower cupboard for her snacks, along with cups and bowls. We also sectioned off a part of the fridge. As long as she makes healthy choices and doesn’t reach for ice cream bars on an empty stomach, I’ve granted her the freedom to manage her own appetite. No more pressure to eat a specific number of bites, no limited choices—just the joy of eating without the stress.
So far, this approach has yielded excellent results. I’ve relinquished the need for formal sit-down meals where we pass around dishes and divide the food according to arbitrary ratios. My daughter now drifts in and out of the kitchen, casually snacking on yogurt, cheese, fruit, or peanut butter, much like I do. It may not be precisely like the character Cher from the film “Mermaids,” but it’s close enough. And I’m perfectly fine with that.
In summary, parenting can often benefit from a fresh perspective. By respecting our children’s choices and allowing them freedom over their appetite, we can create a more harmonious environment. For additional insights into parenting and options for home insemination, consider checking out this excellent resource on the IVF process or explore this informative blog for home insemination kits.
Keyphrase: Parenting with Respect
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