Recently, I found myself critically assessing another mother’s parenting choices. Although I know I shouldn’t judge, allow me to describe the mother I was scrutinizing:
She opted for a C-section instead of a natural delivery and stopped breastfeeding her infant much earlier than recommended. She even treats her toddlers to donuts as a snack before nap time—donuts! Additionally, she gives them apple juice just before bed.
There was an incident where she raised her voice at her son for spilling her coffee. To add to my concerns, she still gives her one-year-old a bottle and her three-year-old remains in diapers. I witnessed her children dart away from her in public repeatedly this week, forcing her to chase after them while dropping items from her purse and tripping over her favorite yoga pants that she seems to wear constantly.
Her personal hygiene is questionable, as she doesn’t shower every day. At one point, I saw her sneaking peanut butter M&M’s in the kitchen while her one-year-old threw a tantrum. She sometimes lets her kids cry it out, but not consistently—couldn’t she pick a method and stick to it?
In her Facebook photos, her children are often undressed, and she uses a Super Play Yard that resembles baby jail. I even observed her kids spilling Cheerios all over the floor and then eating them! In public, she openly bribes them with cookies. There was a moment when she fell asleep on the couch while her children sat in front of the TV, in that baby jail, munching on the Cheerios from the floor.
Her son repeatedly stood up in the grocery cart, while her other son attempted to open a bottle of shampoo they were purchasing. At mealtime, her oldest son cries unless he is offered donuts. She consumes Diet Coke daily, and her apartment is typically messy, filled with random DIY art that lacks cohesion.
Although she frequently claims she will start exercising or dieting, I haven’t noticed any changes in her appearance. Her clothing is rather plain, and a haircut is long overdue. Her family is habitually late for everything, and her one-year-old still wakes up during the night, taking ages to fall asleep.
She often yearns for some alone time, wishing for a few days without her kids. Why does she need that? After all, she is a Stay-At-Home Mom who gets to wear yoga pants and relax on the couch. Seriously, isn’t her life supposed to be a break?
This critique of the mother I just described probably paints her in a negative light, doesn’t it? Here’s the twist: that mother is actually me.
I’ve recently been in a phase where my anxiety about how others perceive my parenting has led me to withdraw from social situations. I avoid outings with my children, fearing tantrums, disobedience, or emotional breakdowns—mine, not theirs. I keep many of my parenting decisions under wraps, worried about potential disapproval or unsolicited advice. I won’t even allow my partner to share photos on social media unless the background looks immaculate or my youngest isn’t visibly holding a bottle. My preoccupation with others’ opinions has overshadowed my enjoyment of motherhood.
My new mantra is: WHO CARES!? The truth is, the only reason people criticize others’ parenting is often to soothe their own insecurities, as they recognize their own imperfections. While some advice may stem from genuine concern, I don’t have to adopt it; I can choose to listen without feeling defensive.
I may not be perfect, but I am a GOOD mom, and I genuinely know that. From this point forward, I’ll let others judge my parenting choices without allowing it to affect me. In fact, I’ve provided them with a handy list to critique!
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In summary, navigating the complexities of motherhood can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of judging ourselves and others. Embracing imperfection and focusing on what truly matters can lead to a more fulfilling parenting experience.
Keyphrase: Motherhood and Self-Judgment
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