Let’s begin our journey in the family minivan. As a parent, I find myself listening to pop radio frequently, thanks to my kids’ affinity for tunes from former Disney stars. I don’t mind the contemporary pop scene—in fact, I enjoy most of it. However, when I hear catchy tracks like Selena Gomez’s “Love You Like a Love Song,” I can’t help but think: where are the love songs that resonate with middle-aged marriages?
Before we delve deeper, let’s address the elephant in the room: yes, I’m 38. While older friends assure me I’m still young, my peers insist we aren’t middle-aged. They argue that being in our 40s is akin to being 29-ish, despite the fact that a knee pop can occur while attempting to dance and that I often drift off after just one glass of wine. Ladies, let’s be real—the average life expectancy for American women is 81, making this undeniably middle age.
If you’re still hesitant to accept this, consider this question: do you look forward to intimacy or a cup of coffee more? I thought so.
There are distinct advantages to having years of experience behind us. In midlife marriages, we truly understand one another. We know that his back issues might limit certain evening activities, and he knows that we’re not slipping into alluring lingerie. However, if he’s willing to help us out of a comfy oversized tee, things can heat up. While the passion may have shifted from endless romantic nights to practical moments, we’re skilled at navigating each other’s needs—especially since we have mere minutes before our kids or pets inevitably interrupt our moments of intimacy.
This is why I struggle to connect with mainstream love songs. It doesn’t help that I’ve witnessed Selena Gomez perform for my children in various whimsical roles. Take her lyrics in “Love You Like a Love Song”: “You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible / A centerfold, miracle, lyrical / You saved my life again.”
In my world, that’s not quite accurate. Here’s my reimagined version: “Love You Like a Grocery Run”:
I forgot the milk, So you saved me again by picking some up. While you’re at the store, grab peanut butter too, Yes, another jar, so the kids can eat when lunchtime comes. You’re a lifesaver, ’cause I’ve already been to the store twice, Dependable, huggable, marital. When you get home, baby, We’ll enjoy some Netflix—maybe. [Chorus] I, I love you for getting a gallon, I, I love you for getting a gallon, I, I love you for getting a gallon, So I’ll be rubbing your feet, feet, feet, feet, feet, feet.
Selena is not alone in producing songs that don’t resonate. If you’re familiar with Taylor Swift, you might know “Blank Space,” a dramatic exploration of dating while managing life’s complexities. Fun and catchy? Absolutely! But relatable for those of us who are juggling children, pets, and household responsibilities? Not quite. No longer can we just hop on a plane for a spontaneous getaway; we’re too busy managing our lives.
By now, we’re weary of the drama and wild escapades. Our “blank spaces” are now reserved for unread books and the long naps we miss more than youthful vibrancy.
What’s a tune we can truly embrace? Allow me to present “Blank Stare”:
I can’t see it. Where’s it gone? Left my libido somewhere, I swear. Nightstand? Closet? My old push-up bra? Once I was eager, oh my God, This isn’t me; yesterday I was 20. My sex drive has flown away— New panties ‘cause I’m trying. I read about this in a magazine, “How to Please an Aging Guy,” And I know it’s about you and me. So hey, let’s stretch first, Surely it can’t get any worse Than when we tried that swing— I couldn’t even stand straight for most of that weekend. [Pre-Chorus] This might last forever, Or it’s just perimenopause. Want to nap ‘til it’s over; Think some lube will help the cause. Got a long list of desires, But not much in my loins. And I know you’d love some fire Down in my groin. [Chorus] ‘Cause we’re older than we once were, We could pull a hamstring, sure. But I’m the madam to your sir, So lock the bedroom door. With a long list of new complaints, Hormonal, not insane! Explains this blank stare, baby, Let’s give it another shot?
Instead of dwelling on these pop hits, perhaps we should turn to Marvin Gaye for inspiration. His classic “Let’s Get It On” begins with “I’ve been really tryin’, baby.” If that doesn’t encapsulate the midlife sexual experience, I’m not sure what does. But remember, persistence is key. There’s one undeniable truth about intimacy in your 40s: you no longer have to explain to a younger partner what they’re doing wrong.
In summary, as we navigate the complexities of love and intimacy in middle age, it’s essential to find humor and relatability in our experiences. Embrace the quirks and changes that come with time, and remember, communication and understanding are what truly keep a marriage alive.
Keyphrase: love songs for midlife marriages
Tags: home insemination kit, home insemination syringe, self insemination