It’s not that we shy away from all forms of celebration. We invest a significant amount in Halloween costumes—I’ve learned that creating homemade outfits for three kids can be just as pricey. Our home is adorned with seasonal window decorations, straw scarecrows by the mailbox, and a charming wooden reindeer adorned with twinkling lights. We have a plethora of Disney princess nightgowns and have even ventured into the realm of American Girl dolls with matching outfits. Yet, the thought of inviting the entire class to a party in a crowded venue with mediocre pizza leaves me feeling unsettled. While I express this without hesitation, I carry a hint of discomfort.
I want my children to carry with them, throughout their lives, the understanding that I was never more joyful than on the days they were born. However, I struggle to grasp the concept of a party that includes peers my kids don’t particularly enjoy, held in a venue beyond my control, led by teenage staff singing “Happy Birthday.” To me, this doesn’t seem like a genuine celebration. We often end up with a table full of gifts that don’t resonate because, more often than not, a rushed parent at a toy store has hurriedly selected something after asking their child, “What do they like?” The answer is usually a shrug, followed by a random choice—a $46 toy or perhaps a $7 My Little Pony that ends up duplicated on the gift table, making everyone feel awkward.
I once took my youngest daughter to a birthday celebration at a Zumba studio. My partner and I had negotiated who would attend, along with the tasks the other would take on in return. I was taken aback when the host mom welcomed us, addressed my daughter, explained the activities, and then turned to me, saying, “We’ll be finished in 90 minutes. Go, take some time for yourself.”
“Excuse me?” I actually said that aloud. Then, regaining my composure, I asked, “Wait, you don’t want me to stay?”
“Are you kidding? If I could escape for 90 minutes, I would sprint out the door! Parties are dreadful, but the kids will dance, enjoy some cake, and then sleep for you! Have a great time! Thanks for coming,” she said with an authentic smile that I had rarely seen from another parent at such gatherings.
I stepped out into the sunny afternoon, practically floating through the neighborhood, cheerfully acknowledging the birds I passed.
I wish it didn’t feel so unconventional to want to forgo extravagant parties. My daughters will always have their special day, but I don’t want to instill in them the expectation that they need grand gestures to feel loved. At the end of the day, children don’t require elaborate decorations, themes, or extensive guest lists. They desire to run, feel cherished, and blow out candles. The same goes for me; I don’t necessarily need a day at a spa; rather, I crave simply a quiet walk to recharge.
This article was originally published on July 23, 2015.
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Summary
Celebrating birthdays can be overwhelming for some parents. While it’s essential to cherish children’s special days, extravagant parties may not be necessary. Kids ultimately want simple joys—running around, feeling special, and blowing out candles.
Keyphrase: Birthday Parties and Parenting
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