By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: May 13, 2020
Originally Published: July 22, 2015
Recently, my partner and I returned from a long weekend getaway in the picturesque countryside of upstate New York. This trip has been a cherished tradition for over 15 years, long before our car was packed with restless children and their endless supply of snacks. As we left the bustling city, I found myself reminiscing about our early years as a couple. However, instead of nostalgia for the peaceful silence or the exhilarating freedom of our youth, I recalled the countless arguments over my partner’s questionable navigation abilities—or rather, his complete lack of them.
Anyone who has attempted to exit the New York City area during the week can attest that navigating the traffic is no small feat. Some routes are optimal, while others are veritable traps. For years, we have tried to take a shortcut through Westchester to reach the highway leading upstate, but more often than not, we miss our mark—landing ourselves on the Major Deegan or stuck in congested traffic near the George Washington Bridge.
To provide some context, I typically avoid driving in the city—it’s a daunting experience for me. My partner enjoys driving, so he takes the wheel most of the time, while I handle the kids and snacks. Given how many times we’ve made this trip, you’d think he would have memorized the directions—or at least checked them beforehand. But alas, this year was no different. After loading up the car and the kids, he began to ponder our route, and I felt my annoyance rising. “Didn’t you check directions?” I asked, knowing full well the answer. His pride wouldn’t allow it.
Predictably, we made a few wrong turns, missing exits and ultimately found ourselves gridlocked on the Major Deegan. Yet, as we sat in the standstill, something unexpected unfolded. My children, surprisingly, were content; the toddler was counting trucks, while the older child engaged my partner in conversation, who was enthusiastically pointing out each vehicle to our youngest.
In that moment, I realized that I could simply enjoy the company of my loved ones. I had initially been frustrated about the wrong turns, but as the minutes passed, I chose to stay silent. I recognized that, rather than rehashing our familiar disagreements, I could let go.
Of course, I would appreciate it if he prepared better for our journeys, but after 14 years of marriage, I’ve come to accept that he may not ever master navigation. I reflected on his wonderful qualities—how he engages our children with genuine interest and creativity, spending evenings reading to the older one and soothing the toddler to sleep with stories and songs. His dedication to waking early for work so he can return home by 4 p.m. to be with our kids highlights his commitment.
Over the years, I’ve learned to prioritize what truly matters. In the earlier days of our marriage, I may have held onto outdated expectations of who I wanted him to be. I tried to change him, unaware of the remarkable traits he possessed that far outweighed his navigational shortcomings.
As we approach our 15th anniversary, I find myself increasingly willing to let go of trivial annoyances. I realize I will never have a partner who can wash dishes to my standards or remember to take out the trash without prompting. He may not be particularly handy or a great cook, and he’s been known to misplace his wallet. I could easily dwell on these matters, but I’m discovering that the key to a successful marriage lies in accepting my partner as he is, rather than fitting him into an unrealistic mold.
I understand how fortunate I am to have a partner who is present emotionally and physically for both me and our children. When small issues arise, I address them, and he is open to discussing solutions. However, I’m learning that some battles are worth fighting, while others should simply be let go. Ultimately, if there’s one person I’d choose to get lost with on this journey of life, it’s him.
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In summary, a successful marriage often requires the ability to let go of minor grievances and embrace acceptance. Recognizing and appreciating your partner’s strengths can lead to a more fulfilling partnership.
Keyphrase: Key to a Happy Marriage
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