Below is the course outline for the spring 2015 semester. If your child is nearing the age of two, please consult with their educational advisor regarding registration procedures.
1. The Art of Pants Resistance
This introductory course equips toddlers with the skills necessary to understand the societal expectations surrounding pants-wearing (primarily linked to climate considerations) while providing strategic techniques for resisting compliance. Are your attempts at bicycle kicks falling flat? Is your classic method of wailing, “NO PANTS! STOP!” yielding unsatisfactory results? Let our experts (a panel of seasoned 4-year-olds) guide you through the nuances of “adamant refusal.” (Wednesdays and Fridays, 6 PM-9 PM)
2. The Joy of Shelf Exploration
Once again hosted in the campus library, this class promises excitement for toddlers, albeit with some trepidation from the staff. (Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, 7 PM-9 PM)
3. Introduction to Toddlerhood
New to this developmental stage? This course lays the groundwork for understanding key toddler behaviors before diving into specialized studies. Guest presentations will cover essential topics such as: accessing cabinets with hazardous materials, sharing germs through sneezing, and mastering competitive snack consumption with Goldfish Crackers. Learn to project innocence while creatively mashing avocado into the pet’s fur. (Mondays and Wednesdays, 12 PM-4 PM)
4. Demanding Your Favorite Shows
Longing for endless hours of Calliou or a marathon of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? This returning favorite teaches toddlers how to leverage their limited vocabulary to persuade adults into submission regarding screen time. (One Week Intensive: Monday-Friday, 1 PM to 8 PM)
5. Strategic Lego Placement
Looking to thwart the adults in your life? This essential course teaches the best strategies for placing Legos in high-traffic areas to ensure maximum foot injuries during nighttime restroom visits. Note: Legos will not be provided. (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, 7 PM-9 PM)
(Prerequisite: “Strategic Placement of Matchbox Cars”)
6. Mastering the Art of Not Sharing
This popular course fills up quickly; secure your spot now! Once registered, you’ll learn the fine art of claiming toys and denying access to others, regardless of their pleas or tantrums. (Tuesdays and Fridays, 12 PM-3 PM)
7. Walking at Your Own Pace
Classes commence at 4 PM in a location 200 feet from campus, accessible via an intriguing path adorned with natural curiosities. Arriving on time results in a failing grade. (Wednesdays and Fridays, 4 PM-6 PM)
8. Crib Escape Techniques
Ready to break free from your crib? This hands-on course is designed for toddlers eager to explore beyond their confines. Our instructors will demonstrate proven escape methods, addressing critical questions such as “Does it hurt to fall on hardwood?” and “Can I use my mobile to swing out of the crib like Tarzan?” (Wednesdays, 8 PM-4 AM)
9. The Science of Food Refusal
Learn to expertly reject nutritious meals based on arbitrary criteria such as “it’s touching other food” or “there are green bits.” Our culinary experts will prepare a gourmet meal for you to reject, throw, or smear onto your person while expressing discontent. (Mondays and Thursdays, 6 PM-9 PM)
10. Intermediate Artistic Expression
Just because you may not fully grasp language doesn’t mean your creative voice should be silenced. This tried-and-true class promotes self-expression through glue, markers, and parental furniture. (Tuesdays and Thursdays, 12 PM-3 PM)
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In summary, this spring, toddlers can engage in a variety of courses designed to enhance their developing skills and explore their boundaries while learning essential life lessons in a playful environment.
Keyphrase: toddler course catalog
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