When I gaze at my partner, I perceive two distinct realities: one where he is present and one where he is absent. In the first, I feel a profound sense of peace and fulfillment, while in the second, I envision a life marked by confusion and loss.
Watching him tenderly read bedtime stories to our children, I am frequently reminded of how narrowly we escaped a future without them. This realization often halts me in my tracks, squeezing the breath from my lungs. How could I possibly navigate this world without their laughter and warmth?
This close call occurred 14 years ago when my husband, only 18 months into our marriage, received a diagnosis of a rare and often terminal cancer. Our aspirations for a shared life, for nurturing a family, and for growing old together seemed almost as improbable as his survival.
Now, when I see him in his workshop—our converted garage—performing pull-ups and lifting weights daily in his determination to maintain good health, I am struck not just by our fortune but also by the sheer randomness of life. Given a less than 10 percent chance of living another five years following his diagnosis, we are both acutely aware that many of the 299 individuals diagnosed with adrenal carcinoma in the United States in 2001 likely experienced far less favorable outcomes. I imagine few of them are out running morning miles to manage their blood pressure or cholesterol. Perhaps none are present to kiss their children—who might never have existed—goodnight.
Recently, I came across a poignant Facebook post by influential figure Sarah Thompson about her late husband, Mark, who tragically passed away while exercising. It brought tears to my eyes, and I empathized deeply with her grief. My heart ached for her and her children; I wished for a different fate for them as well.
Yet, in her profound reflection, she shared: “When tragedy strikes, it poses a choice. You can succumb to the emptiness that fills your heart and mind or you can seek out meaning. In these past weeks, I have often found myself lost in that void. I recognize that many future moments may also be consumed by this vast emptiness. But whenever I can, I choose life and purpose.”
During my husband’s most intense health struggles, I, too, found myself engulfed in that void. When his medical team likened his treatment to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, I felt as though I were sinking too. Nights spent in uncomfortable hospital chairs, surrounded by the sterile environment of the ICU, led me to ponder the unthinkable: how would I carry on if he were to leave this world so abruptly? Would I drown in sorrow? Would the taste of loss season every moment of my life?
Fortunately, I was spared from finding out. Fortune smiled upon us, and my husband defied the odds, a miracle neither of us can fully comprehend. For this, I am thankful every day. I embrace him and our children—who might never have been born—with an intensity that sometimes leads them to roll their eyes and push me away. “That’s enough, Mom!” they protest, though I suspect they secretly appreciate it. What they cannot understand is that it will never be enough for me or their dad. Our hugs are boundless, for we recognize the true miracles that they, and he, represent.
In quiet moments on our porch swing, my husband and I share an unspoken understanding of how narrowly we avoided catastrophe. We express our gratitude, acknowledging the profound impact of our experiences on our lives.
We are intentionally choosing life and meaning, fully conscious of how much more accessible this choice becomes after a near-disastrous chapter. We are leaning into our shared existence, a process that will continue long after his cancer becomes a distant memory.
If you cherish your partner, children, and life, I urge you to lean in—fully and openly—and express your feelings. Seek out those who inspire you and share your thoughts with them now.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s life-changing experience with her husband’s cancer diagnosis and the profound gratitude she feels for their life together. It emphasizes the importance of appreciating loved ones and choosing to find meaning in life after facing adversity.
Keyphrase: Life and Love Perspective
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