The sentiment of “I desperately need a break” is one I’ve frequently heard expressed by mothers everywhere. And it’s completely justified. Whether they work outside the home or are full-time caregivers, mothers worldwide, including myself, require occasional respite from the demands of parenthood. A chance to mentally recharge from the hectic balancing act that defines our lives. And since we all understand that our fellow moms are often in the same predicament, what could be better than a collective escape on a girls’ weekend?
When I first mentioned this idea to my partner, he responded positively. “That sounds like a great idea. You deserve a break! Go and enjoy some time with your friends.” Excited, I quickly composed an email to share with my girlfriends, outlining a weekend filled with spa appointments, lounging by the pool, engaging conversations, and yes—plenty of wine.
However, my enthusiasm quickly waned as I received their replies.
- “I would love to join, but I’ve never spent a night away from Tommy. I just can’t see myself doing that.”
- “It sounds amazing, but I don’t want to be away from my kids.”
- “Leaving my little one overnight feels like too much. How about we settle for just dinner instead?”
- “Oh, I could never leave my kids for a whole weekend. Sorry!”
In an instant, my vision of a joyful weekend with long-lost friends evaporated, leaving me to question my maternal instincts and priorities.
Guilt flooded my mind. Is it wrong for me to yearn for a brief retreat from my kids? Shouldn’t I want to be with them every minute of the day? Do I love my children less than my friends love theirs?
Let me clarify: I don’t seek a getaway every month. But perhaps a weekend away once a year? Absolutely.
Of all the reasons I might have for not taking part in a girls’ trip, the last I expected was to find myself without companions. Lack of time, funds, or childcare are understandable obstacles many mothers face, but in my case, I had the time (a long weekend off work), the savings (carefully set aside), and the childcare (thanks to my supportive partner).
One friend added, “I really don’t know many other moms who would feel comfortable leaving their kids for an entire weekend.”
Ouch.
It seems I had become the odd one out among my small circle of mom friends, and perhaps even among mothers everywhere. The shame was palpable, layered over the existing societal pressures to be the perfect parent.
Yet, my self-doubt quickly transformed into a defensive mindset as the truth I had been wrestling with surged forward. Of course I adore my children, just like any mother does. In fact, during the few occasions I’ve spent a night away from them, I’ve found myself in tears upon leaving, often thinking about them throughout my time away.
Having differing views and parenting styles doesn’t equate to poor motherhood. What works for one mother may not suit another.
It’s easy to judge, especially when it comes to the myriad contentious issues surrounding parenting. Labeling moms as overly protective, anxious, or controlling only amplifies the guilt that many already experience in their journey of child-rearing.
While I wince at comments like, “I can’t believe you can be away from your kids like that!” (What is that implying?), I’m sure others feel uncomfortable hearing, “You’re missing out by not leaving your kids” (And what’s meant by that?).
Thus, the answer to my internal question, “Do I love my kids less than they love theirs?” becomes clear: love has many definitions. It encompasses doing what’s best for both your family and yourself as a mother. It’s about finding what brings you joy. For some, this means being present with their children at all times. For others, it might mean carving out space for personal time.
Regardless, love should never be in question.
Accepting that my friends and I share equal love for our kids doesn’t resolve my vacation predicament. So… who’s interested in a girls’ weekend?
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