Every so often, an opportunity arises to trade in your comfortable loungewear for an evening of adult fun, free from the responsibilities of parenthood. Given how infrequent these outings can be, the journey to a child-free evening is often filled with challenges and unexpected hurdles. Here are the seven stages you will encounter while striving for that coveted night out.
1. The Invitation
A text message, phone call, or digital invitation arrives, and your immediate thought is, “Absolutely! I am in!” However, as you type your enthusiastic response, the baby manages to spit up on you, sensing your plans. Deep down, they know. No one leaves the little one with a sitter.
2. Finding a Sitter
With visions of a refreshing margarita in your mind, the quest for a reliable babysitter begins. You start with the grandparents, hoping for a complimentary option. When you discover they’re all at a disco event, you turn to local high school students. After exhausting every option, you even contemplate the pizza delivery guy from last week. After all, he survived your preschooler’s Nerf assault without complaint. Maybe he can deliver pizza too?
3. Acceptance
As you confirm your attendance with the host, you hope fervently that their sitter hasn’t canceled and that you were genuinely invited. You realize you need to brush up on current topics beyond diaper duty and reality TV. You attempt to read a bestseller, but you only have time for a Wikipedia summary.
4. Wardrobe Dilemma
Your closet reveals little choice beyond maternity wear or exercise clothes you never wear. A trip to Target becomes necessary to find something flattering. Yet, as luck would have it, the baby spits up on your chosen outfit in the fitting room. You leave with the shirt and a bottle of OxiClean.
5. House Preparation
The day of the adult night out is spent scrubbing your home, ensuring it doesn’t reflect your day-to-day life. You may throw out your back in the process, but you pour yourself a glass of wine and push through—your mind needs this, even if your body protests.
6. Kids’ Readiness
You pull out board games you dislike, junk food you normally avoid, and every episode of a cartoon your children adore. You remind yourself that if you aren’t present to witness the chaos, it’s as if it never happened. Tomorrow, you can return to healthier meals—tonight is for indulgence.
7. Spouse Reminder
Gently remind your partner that he is a capable adult who can dress himself. Also, suggest that if he plays his cards right, he may get to see you undressed later. Try to suppress any insecurities about your appearance and make a mental note to join a gym come Monday.
Finally, as you prepare to leave, the frenzy of getting away from your noisy kids leaves you too exhausted to engage fully with anyone at the gathering. Instead, you and your partner opt for drive-thru tacos and a bottle of tequila, parked a few houses away from home. As you savor your meal in silence, you return home to find the children still awake, while the pizza guy has taken a nap in your recliner. Well, at least you won’t have to drive him back.
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Summary
The journey to a child-free adult night out is akin to navigating the stages of grief—filled with excitement, challenges, and unexpected twists. From receiving the invitation to finding a sitter and preparing yourself and your home, the entire process can be exhausting yet ultimately rewarding.
Keyphrase: adult night out
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