As an only child, the responsibility of caring for aging parents can feel overwhelming. Recently, my father, Matthew, and I had to navigate a particularly challenging situation when my mother, Linda, spent three weeks in a rehabilitation facility following an injury. The facility resembled a stark concrete structure, reminiscent of military barracks. My mother shared her room with a woman suffering from Alzheimer’s who often moaned in distress. During her stay, Linda struggled to get assistance for basic needs, such as using the restroom or getting a glass of water. At times, she resorted to calling the front desk on her cellphone, but often she was left waiting for my father or me to arrive.
During my visits, I observed troubling practices, such as the nurse delivering only half the prescribed pain medication, raising concerns about the integrity of their operations. The experience was distressing for both my mother and me, leading her to express a desire to avoid such facilities in the future.
As the only child, I find myself in a precarious position. While my parents are currently coping, their health remains a constant concern. Living eight hours away, without a car, and being the primary caregiver for two young children adds to my challenges. I often ponder what will happen when my parents require additional assistance.
This situation resonates with themes discussed in Ai-jen Poo’s book, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America. Poo, the director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance, calls for urgent action to address the impending eldercare crisis. By 2020, one-sixth of our population will be 65 or older, with projections suggesting that the number of seniors will rise from 40 million to 70 million in the next two decades. This raises critical questions about who will provide essential services such as cooking, cleaning, and personal care as our loved ones age.
Traditionally, caregiving responsibilities have fallen to women, but with many now participating in the workforce, balancing these needs has become increasingly complex. A friend of mine, Sarah, who also has young children, commutes two hours every weekend to assist her elderly mother. She spends her weekends cleaning, organizing meals, and helping with personal care. This arrangement has taken a toll on her marriage and finances, leaving her with little quality time for her own kids. Unfortunately, the lack of affordable, adequate care options often forces families into difficult situations.
I initially expected The Age of Dignity to highlight the caregiver crisis without offering solutions, but I was pleasantly surprised. Poo suggests various practical approaches, including the idea of “time banks,” where caregivers can log hours spent assisting local elders, which can later be redeemed for care for their own parents. However, she advocates for a more extensive public initiative, similar to historical federal investments in infrastructure, to create a supportive framework for caregiving. Poo argues that investing in caregiving not only saves costs compared to nursing homes but also stimulates the economy by creating jobs and ensuring fair wages for care workers.
The fear surrounding elder care is widespread; most people worry about both their parents’ well-being and their own future care needs. In contrast to countries like Germany or Japan, where community-based support is a given, many are left hoping for the best. Addressing these challenges requires political will and a collective effort to prioritize caregiving as a societal responsibility.
Aging should be viewed as a blessing rather than a source of trepidation. By advocating for substantial change, we can create a better future for our elderly population, ensuring they receive the care they deserve.
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Summary
Caring for aging parents as an only child presents unique challenges, especially when distance and personal responsibilities complicate matters. Acknowledging the growing eldercare crisis, Ai-jen Poo’s The Age of Dignity offers practical solutions and calls for a collective movement to address this pressing issue. As we navigate these challenges, it’s essential to consider the broader implications of caregiving on our economy and society.
Keyphrase: Caring for aging parents as an only child
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