I bring you the astonishing news that your parents are bringing home a new baby, which is often referred to as “having a sibling.” Don’t be misled by the pleasant terminology; they’re essentially acquiring a Baby 2.0 model. But what does this mean for you? Say goodbye to your crib, my friend.
Let’s be real: you may think of yourself as the ruler of your domain, but your upcoming little sibling won’t care about any of that. Babies have no regard for authority—they don’t even binge-watch shows like Game of Thrones!
And make no mistake, babies are quite demanding. Even the latest model, you would think, could manage a bit of self-sufficiency. It’s a shame Darwin and tech innovators like Steve Jobs didn’t collaborate on this one.
Now, I’ve already made it clear to my parents that I am not in favor of having another baby in our home. They always listen to my requests, which is why I enjoy a delectable syrup from an eyedropper every morning (hint: it’s Vitamin D). It’s like having breakfast in bed!
Listen up, toddlers! There’s still time to influence your parents. The baby isn’t here yet, so you can still persuade them to reconsider this new addition to the family. Your task is to remind them just how challenging babies can be. Just as it is their responsibility to keep you happy—even if your mom is feeling a bit queasy from the impending arrival—it’s your job to assert your needs.
Here are some strategies you might consider:
- Become a Piece of Yarn: Pretend your legs have turned into yarn. Yarn cannot stand, and neither can you.
- Transform into a Steel Rod: If you tire of being yarn, imagine you’re a steel rod. This will help you resist any attempts to put you in a car seat. “DO NOT BEND” should be your new motto.
- Channel Colic: Even if you’ve outgrown it, embrace the spirit of colic. Extreme measures may be needed.
- Overindulge in Carrots: Eat more carrots than you think you can handle. Push the limits, and when it’s time, expel them forcefully. This can be done with various vegetables over time.
- Set an Alarm: Hide an alarm clock in your crib, set to go off every 30 minutes. This will serve as your reminder to wake your parents by any means necessary—crying works, or even banging on the crib.
- Diminish Your Cuteness: This may be tricky, given your natural charm. Smearing food on your face and refusing to smile can help.
- Scream at a High Pitch: Whenever you see another baby, let out a scream that only dogs can hear, holding it for a count of 50 Mississippis. Follow it up with a dramatic display of vomiting. Repeat this whenever you encounter a baby, even on TV.
Good luck, little ones.
Sincerely,
Your Ally in Diapers
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In summary, prepare yourself for the arrival of a new sibling with strategies to maintain your status in the household. While a new baby may seem daunting, remember that your parents can still be influenced before the big day arrives.
Keyphrase: How to Prepare for a New Sibling
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