In December 2009, my family and I traveled to Ethiopia, where we welcomed our son, Leo, on Christmas Day. This little one has profoundly transformed my perspective on life. He has an incredible ability to bring laughter, keep me engaged, and challenge my thinking daily.
Our morning car rides to school, from 7:30 to 7:50 AM, often lead to some of the most enlightening conversations. During these twenty minutes, Leo shares his opinions, poses questions, and recounts stories, providing me with a wealth of insight.
However, one morning, I encountered a conversation I had not anticipated at such an early stage in Leo’s life. After a routine visit to the dermatologist the previous day to check on his eczema and some pigmentation marks, Leo surprised me with a poignant question from the backseat: “Mommy, why did I go to the dermatologist yesterday?”
I explained, “It was just to check your eczema. It’s common, and you looked great! We just need to keep using your cream.”
Then came the words that made my heart sink: “I don’t like my skin.”
“Why not?” I asked, feeling the weight of his sadness. “It’s too dark,” he replied.
In that moment, I was taken aback. I never expected my son, at not even four years old, to express such feelings. I told him, “Leo, I love your skin. You have beautiful brown skin.”
His response was disheartening: “Well, I don’t like brown skin. I don’t want it.”
I felt compelled to reassure him, “Many of your friends have brown skin too.” I named a few in a moment of panic. “Yeah, they do,” he acknowledged.
“What kind of skin do you want?” I feared I already knew the answer.
“Skin like yours,” he said simply.
As I drove, I grappled with my emotions. I never wanted him to feel this way. I had hoped our discussions and actions would cultivate a positive self-image, but clearly, he had been holding onto these thoughts for a while.
I took a deep breath and said, “Leo, your skin is beautiful. We all have different skin colors, and that diversity is what makes us unique. Remember how much you loved learning about rainbows in school? People are like rainbows, each with different colors, all beautiful in their own way. Your brown skin is just as lovely as mine, even if it’s not the same shade. No skin is too dark or too light.”
“OK,” he replied as we arrived at school, where he asked about his day in Pre-K.
This conversation is just the beginning. I shared the experience with my partner, Mark, and I could sense his shared sadness and realization that these discussions were inevitable. Later, I spoke with a colleague who offered valuable insight and support, for which I was grateful.
As a parent, I wish we didn’t have to navigate these complex issues with Leo—not because it’s difficult for us to discuss but because I see the pain and confusion it causes him. I would do anything to shield him from that struggle, but I recognize the reality is that I cannot.
I welcome any advice, reading suggestions, or personal stories from those with more experience than I have. It is crucial to feel reassured that we are taking the right steps in fostering his self-love and identity. More than anything, I hope to ensure that he grows up loving himself, regardless of how he may differ from his parents.
That evening, I asked Leo if he wanted to look at his book about Ethiopia, and we admired photos of his birth family. “Your birth mom and dad have brown skin just like you! And their skin is beautiful!” I said.
He smiled and nodded, “Yep!”
In conclusion, it is essential to engage in these conversations with our children early on, fostering an environment where they can express their feelings about identity and self-worth. By emphasizing the beauty of diversity, we can help shape a positive self-image and understanding of their unique place in the world.
For further information on these topics, you can explore resources about home insemination, such as the BabyMaker At-Home Insemination Kit and learn more about in vitro fertilisation.
Keyphrase: Navigating Conversations About Skin Color
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