A few months ago, my son received a diagnosis of a cancerous tumor. While I won’t delve into specifics about its type or location, I can share that he is currently doing remarkably well. During such challenging times, it’s crucial to maintain a calm, focused, and positive outlook. However, when you have to share this news with family and friends, the reactions can often be overwhelming. Some responses are supportive, but others can be quite unhelpful. Here are four things to refrain from saying to someone who has just learned their child is facing a serious illness:
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“I Can’t Imagine What You Must Be Going Through.”
This phrase places the onus on me to comfort you instead of receiving support. I might feel compelled to reassure you with responses like, “Yes, it’s indeed tough, but we’re managing,” or “We never expected this, but we are adjusting.” While your intention is likely empathy, it can feel dismissive. It implies our situation is so dreadful that you can’t fathom it, which doesn’t provide the encouragement I need.
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“You Are Handling This So Well…You Are So Strong.”
I appreciate your compliments, but I am just a parent doing what any parent would do—fighting for my child’s well-being. When people label me as strong, it can feel like they are surprised I haven’t crumbled under the pressure. The truth is, I wish I could let myself feel the weight of this situation, but my child needs me to be present and positive. Most mothers instinctively choose to be resilient for their kids.
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“What Can I Do To Help?”
While I genuinely appreciate your willingness to assist, asking this question can put me in a tough position. I’m already juggling numerous responsibilities, including caring for my other children, and I may not be comfortable listing what I need. A better approach is to take the initiative. One friend showed up with frozen meals and thoughtful gifts, while another organized a meal train to support my husband during our hospital visits. Their actions made a significant difference without requiring me to ask for help.
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“He Will Be Fine.”
Although this statement is meant to be reassuring, it can feel overly simplistic given the gravity of the situation. We share your hope that he will recover, but your assertion may overlook the complexities of his condition and the difficult choices we face. It’s important to acknowledge that we are navigating a challenging path and that not everything is as straightforward as recovering from a common illness.
Ultimately, the real champion in this journey is my son. It’s surprising how often people forget to ask about his feelings or well-being. If you truly want to support us, please extend your kindness to him as well. Despite his remarkable resilience, he still needs love and encouragement.
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In summary, while your intentions may be good, it’s essential to choose your words carefully when interacting with someone whose child is facing a serious illness. Offering practical support and showing genuine concern for the affected child can make a world of difference.
Keyphrase: What Not to Say to Parents of a Child with a Tumor
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