As I settle into bed with my three youngest children, we gather around the iPad for a little adventure. My husband is currently airborne, traveling from Northern Virginia to visit his brother in California. As a teacher, he rarely travels for work, making this four-night trip feel significant for our family. I pull up a map of the United States, allowing the kids to marvel at the distance he’s traveling. They gasp, astonished to learn that it takes five hours by plane or almost 39 hours by car to reach his destination.
Next, I show them a world map to illustrate just how small the United States is in relation to the rest of the globe. Although we’ve explored maps before, their excitement makes it feel like a new experience. “Look, there’s London, where Uncle Tim lives!” I point out.
“Wow, that’s so far!” exclaims my eight-year-old son, Jake.
Then, my nearly six-year-old daughter, Lily, asks, “Where is Grandpa on this map?” My heart sinks, and I take a deep breath. It has been four months and 14 days since we said goodbye to my father.
“Grandpa is in heaven,” I respond, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. I anticipate her next question, but I’m not quite ready for it. I believed we had addressed this topic thoroughly. We’ve read age-appropriate books, shared tears, and provided photos to keep his memory alive. I even included them in the memorial services. I thought they understood what it meant to lose someone. But how can a six-year-old grasp something so complex?
“I mean, where is heaven on the map?” she clarifies.
Interestingly, Jake, who usually has a response for everything, is silent. They both want to know precisely where their Grandpa is right now.
“Well, sweetheart, heaven isn’t a location you can pinpoint on a map,” I explain. “No one alive really knows what it’s like. Many believe it’s a beautiful place where your spirit continues to live on, and you get to be with your loved ones again.”
They nod, absorbing my words in silence. Just then, my three-year-old daughter jumps onto the iPad, demanding to watch her favorite show. In that moment, I’m grateful for her distraction.
The conversation comes to an end, and I allow them ten more minutes of playtime before bed. As they dash off to their rooms, I find myself staring at the map, wishing I could find my father on this device. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were an app to help us connect with our loved ones one more time? To help explain to children what it truly means to say goodbye, how to manage the void, and to confirm if I’m saying the right things.
Parenting while navigating my own grief is a challenging endeavor. At times, it feels easier to convince myself that my children aren’t thinking about their loss and have moved on. This might explain why I haven’t discussed Grandpa with them recently. It surprised me that instead of asking about a fun destination like Disneyland, they inquired about heaven’s location. I responded as best I could, but the truth is, I longed to tell them that I would do anything to find heaven on the map, just to see for myself that all of my loved ones are safe and peaceful, waiting for us.
If I were more skilled in writing, perhaps I could create a guide—“Five Ways to Comfort Your Children After Losing a Grandparent” or “Navigating Parenting After Losing a Parent.” However, I find myself at a loss. I don’t possess the answers, and I’m not convinced that anyone truly does. We’re all just doing our best, as with any parenting challenge.
Moving forward, I will strive to acknowledge my children’s feelings and keep their Grandpa’s memory alive. I will hold onto hope and believe that, while I may not be able to find heaven on a map, we will eventually find it together. This commitment is for them and for my own healing.
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Summary:
Navigating grief while parenting can be incredibly challenging, especially when young children seek understanding of loss. This piece reflects on a poignant moment when a child, unaware of the complexities of grief, asks about the location of heaven. The author shares her heartfelt struggle to provide comfort and clarity while grappling with her own pain.
Keyphrase: Heaven on the Map
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