To the single woman who feels she’s thrown in the towel on dating and relationships but secretly desires a partner: I want to share something important with you. While I’m now happily married, I once found myself in your position, feeling perpetually single and utterly defeated. I stopped trying to meet new people and embraced solitude.
For many years in my late 20s and early 30s, I was on my own. I wish I could say it was due to high standards, but that wasn’t the case. I didn’t even understand what having standards meant until I had already made a series of poor relationship choices.
It’s perfectly okay to choose not to pursue a relationship or to avoid the chaos that often accompanies them. If you’re enjoying your single life and want to continue living it to the fullest, that’s fantastic. But if you find yourself yearning for companionship, I assure you—finding a partner isn’t an unattainable dream, even if it feels that way right now.
There’s a common belief that to find a long-term relationship, one must “settle.” But what does that really imply? Does it mean lowering your expectations for a caring, devoted partner? Absolutely not. However, it does mean you may have to accept some quirks or unusual interests that come with another person.
I’m far from perfect—I’m often moody, disorganized, and a bit of a control freak. I’ve made my fair share of regrettable choices, including marrying someone who was abusive and struggled with addiction, and later engaging in an affair with another married individual who was also harmful. Online dating didn’t yield the results I anticipated either.
I faced numerous challenges in my romantic life and failed to recognize that I deserved better. I lost precious time and, more importantly, the hope of finding someone who truly valued me. For a long time, I believed I was meant to be alone, convinced there was something fundamentally wrong with me that prevented me from forming healthy relationships. The truth is, I needed to reset my expectations and learn how to thrive on my own first.
We all have our flaws. Someone you might perceive as less attractive, less intelligent, or less put-together than yourself might have no trouble attracting a loving partner. It’s not about appearances or status. You could be the most compassionate, successful, and well-organized individual and still struggle to find a partner.
Is it you? Is it them? The reality is, it’s a mix of both. Everyone carries their own baggage that can hinder their ability to connect with potential partners. Trust issues, communication difficulties, and rigid expectations can all play a role.
If you genuinely want to find a long-term partner, brace yourself for some initial discomfort. You might need to open up about your feelings when you’d rather not, compromise on certain long-held expectations, and come to terms with the quirks of someone else.
The timing will never be perfect, and neither will the person. If you remain in your comfort zone, chances are you won’t meet anyone at all. Step out into the world. If that feels too daunting, consider reputable dating sites to help broaden your horizons.
Keep in mind that your idea of an ideal partner might not align with what’s truly best for you. Stay open-minded. My current partner didn’t fit my preconceived “type,” but taking a chance on him turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.
I’m not advocating for you to settle; rather, I’m encouraging you to take a chance on discovering someone who will prioritize your well-being and celebrate your successes. It’s essential to accept their imperfections as you desire yours to be accepted.
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In summary, if you’re a single woman who has given up on relationships yet still longs for one, remember that finding love is possible. Be open to taking risks, adjusting expectations, and embracing the imperfections that come with any relationship.