Recently, I engaged in a conversation with several friends who are preparing to send their children off to college this fall. We discussed the challenges of empty nest syndrome, the anxiety surrounding the choice of a major, and the daunting financial responsibilities that come with it. As I am still years away from sending my eldest child to college, these discussions have been quite enlightening.
One friend mentioned her teenager is entering college as an undecided major, which left me quite astonished. Reflecting on my own experience at 18, the thought of telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do; I’ll figure it out in my dorm,” is unfathomable. I had a clear goal of becoming a nurse, which simplified my decision-making. I was also acutely aware that my parents had two more children to support through college, motivating me to complete my degree promptly.
While I can only imagine the emotional toll of dropping my son off at his dorm for the first time, I have accepted the considerable financial investment needed for his education. We will soon have our daughter following in his footsteps. In practical terms, the cost of a college education could equate to purchasing a new Tesla every year for eight years, but as a responsible adult, I prioritize my children’s education.
My husband and I established college savings funds from the moment our children were born. We made a commitment to cover their higher education costs, akin to the support we received from our families. Along with diligent saving, we have invested any financial gifts our children have received since their birth. Thankfully, these efforts have led to a healthy growth of their college funds.
However, while we are committed to funding their education, it comes with a vital condition: they must have a clear plan for their future before we invest in their college education. I refuse to pay for my child to spend four years in college simply “finding themselves” amidst social events and recreational activities. My husband and I have invested too much to allow an uncertain teenager to squander our hard-earned savings.
When I express these concerns to my friends, they often chuckle and comment that I sound like the overly invested father from the movie Some Kind of Wonderful. In that film, the father meticulously plans his son’s college journey, much to the dismay of his artistic child. Ultimately, the son uses his college fund for diamond earrings instead of tuition, leaving the father to ponder where he went wrong.
I am not that father. I won’t impose a specific career on my children, nor will I live vicariously through their choices. While I am willing to support their education financially, I will not allow them to waste that opportunity. I will help guide them, but they must have a clear vision of their path.
Today, many young people are encouraged to “find themselves” without being held accountable for their choices. This has contributed to a generation that can feel entitled. My children are not entitled to my financial support any more than I am entitled to dictate their career paths. It is crucial for both parties to collaborate to achieve a meaningful education that prepares them for the real world.
As college approaches, we will assist our kids in discovering their passions before they start using our resources. We will have ongoing discussions about their aspirations, potential locations to live, and what brings them joy. I will introduce them to various college campuses and share stories of my own college experiences.
When the time comes to help him settle into his small but costly dorm room, I will do my best to hold back tears, primarily because I will miss him—not just because of the financial aspects.
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Summary
In discussing the financial and emotional aspects of preparing children for college, the author emphasizes the importance of having a clear plan for education to avoid wasting resources. With a focus on accountability, the piece underscores the need for collaboration between parents and children in navigating their futures.
Keyphrase: Funding Education with Purpose
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