In every home, you’ll find framed photographs that capture moments frozen in time. Most of these images are simply identified by a brief description—like “the kids at the beach”—but one frame in our house stands out. It’s titled, “These Boys, They Don’t Have a Mom!” This title was bestowed by our eldest son, who is one of the boys featured in the picture, so it seemed fitting he got to name it.
Back in our days in sunny Phoenix, there was a photography studio nestled in the upscale Fashion Square Mall. They offered same-day prints, which sounded like a fantastic idea. I dressed our boys, then ages 4 and 18 months, and embarked on what turned into a chaotic outing. A complete disaster unfolded involving every aspect of their little bodies, my entire diaper bag, and all the energy I could muster.
But we got the picture we wanted—no matter the mess!
Later that evening, while you were still at work, the girls were doing their homework, and the boys were playfully pushing their trains around, I heard our four-year-old, Max, speak up: “Do you see these boys?”
He was holding the photograph, which was awkwardly large in his little hands. With his tiny finger pointing at the two boys in the picture, he repeated his question more insistently, “Do you see these boys?”
I couldn’t help but wonder where he was going with this. “Yes, I see those boys!” I replied.
Max jabbed his finger again and exclaimed, “These boys, they don’t have a mom!”
My heart sank. How could he say such a thing, especially after the chaotic day we’d endured together? I prided myself on my calm and patient demeanor as a mother. Back in the days of taking pictures with the girls, I would have been a wreck, but by the time I had my fourth and fifth children, I considered myself a seasoned pro.
“Those boys absolutely have a mom! A fantastic one at that!”
Later, when you came home, we couldn’t help but laugh about it. You helped me decode Max’s innocent confusion. It turned out he was grappling with the idea of my presence in their lives versus my absence in the photo. I was there, yet I wasn’t. He understood the significance of my role but was bewildered by the visual representation.
That’s how it feels since you’ve been gone. It’s as if you set everything up perfectly, then—poof!—vanished. We’re left with questions—jab, jab, jab.
Last night was our youngest son’s prom. We had the suit, I bought the tie, and I even ordered the corsage. Miraculously, his dress shoes still fit. One might think we were ready to go. But there was a hiccup—none of us knew how to tie a tie. You took that knowledge with you, dear.
I had hoped to find a dad at the pre-prom gathering who could lend a hand, but that didn’t pan out. Thankfully, his sister stepped in and FaceTimed her boyfriend, who tried to guide her through a backward method over the phone. In the end, it all worked out, but we could have really used your expertise.
Remember how you had that hilarious pre-prom routine where you’d put the tie in a playful “choke-hold” around their necks before tying it? Your unique parenting style was always effective.
This morning, as I rolled over and gazed at the empty space beside me, the first thing I noticed was that iconic picture, “These Boys.” It brought back memories of that day. I was so actively involved, yet our son thought he didn’t have a mother simply because I wasn’t visible in the frame.
Surely, that’s how it must be for our boys now. You were ever-present as their father, imparting wisdom and values that they carry with them. Our go-to parenting scripture was Deuteronomy 11:19—remember when you humorously dubbed it “Dude-a-ronomy”? It emphasizes teaching children the ways of life in all moments of the day. You did that, and the boys remember your lessons vividly, even though you’ve stepped out of the frame.
They can also find a YouTube tutorial to learn how to tie a tie, but they’ll always have your wisdom to guide them.
In summary, while the absence of a loved one leaves a void, the memories and lessons they’ve imparted continue to shape our lives. Our children may not see you physically, but they feel your influence every day.
For more on parenting resources or to explore topics related to home insemination, visit Make a Mom. If you want to dive deeper into pregnancy and family matters, check out Modern Family Blog, a trusted authority on these subjects. Additionally, Healthline is an excellent resource for understanding family planning options.