As a working mom, my greatest fear is the lack of quality time spent with my children. It took the candid observation of my 9-year-old son, Ethan, to confront this reality head-on. He didn’t want to join my teenage daughter, Lily, and me on a much-anticipated trip to the Victoria’s Secret sale that evening. With just an hour left before closing, I was in a rush to fulfill at least one of my kids’ wish lists after another hectic day at work.
Should we go or stay? The decision would have been easier if their dad were around. Unfortunately for Ethan, I didn’t give him a choice. His sister, Lily, had been waiting too long. She had already missed one swim meet and a soccer practice this week.
“The sale ends tonight, Mom! You promised!” she reminded me. It was clear she was excited, but Ethan was less than thrilled about being dragged into yet another shopping excursion he didn’t care for. He remained unconvinced that waiting outside while Lily picked out her underwear was worth the trouble.
As the tension mounted in the car ride to the mall, I had to intervene. “Enough with the bickering,” I said. “Ethan, apologize to Lily and tell her one thing you love about her.”
Both kids instantly recognized the familiar routine and, unsurprisingly, remained silent. I attempted to change tactics. “Okay, then. Share something you love about me. Then you can express your love for Lily, and I’ll reciprocate.”
I pictured the happy families I often saw in restaurants, effortlessly expressing their affection for one another. Yet, in stark contrast, my children offered no such sentiments. For the first time, Ethan was quiet.
“Really? You can’t think of anything you love about me?” I asked, half-jokingly. Surely, they would want to acknowledge all that I do for them. After all, we were just on our way to the mall, and Ethan wouldn’t even have to set foot inside the store!
Then came the moment of truth. Ethan, being the serious child he is, took my question to heart. “I don’t know what I love about you, Mom,” he said thoughtfully. “You know, I really don’t see you much. You work all day, and I mostly see you at night. Most of the time, we’re with our nanny or Grandma or in school. I really don’t know what to say.”
Shockwaves ran through me, and I felt like I had been blindsided. It hit me hard. I fought back tears as I drove in silence, unable to respond.
As a working mom, I navigate the challenges of balancing a demanding career and family life. I pour my heart into my work and my children, juggling countless responsibilities. Yet, here I was, confronted with the painful truth that my son didn’t feel connected to me. He couldn’t even name one thing he loved about me because we simply didn’t spend enough time together.
I often reassure new working mothers, fresh from their first separations, that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. “You’ll have countless evenings, weekends, holidays, and vacations to bond with your kids. You’re there for them each night while they sleep. Your relationship is built over time, and they will love you just as fiercely for your sacrifices,” I say. I wish I could fully believe my own words, as if they belonged to someone who had already crossed the finish line of this race. But I know I still have miles to go.
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In summary, as a working mom, the fear of not spending enough time with my children looms large. It’s a struggle that resonates deeply, reminding me that while I work hard to provide for my family, the most important thing is the relationships we build together.