Did Liam get our gift card from Amazon? I texted.
“Yes! Sorry for the delay in sending thank you notes,” replied my fellow mom-friend and mother of four.
And I thought to myself—hold on. If you’re making your 8-year-old sit down to write out 20 thank you notes, please don’t include ours in that chore. I adore your child, and I’d love to hear about the cool gadget he bought with our gift card during our next get-together. But honestly, a simple “Thanks!” text is all I really need to know it arrived safely.
Let me clarify: I’m not against thank you notes entirely. I’ve penned my fair share and will probably write more in the future. My kids might also scribble a few words of gratitude here and there. However, on the whole, I believe they are overrated and often unnecessary.
Before anyone starts to lecture me about raising ungrateful children, let me explain my stance. If you handed my child a gift in person, they certainly said thank you, maybe even hugged you and played with their new toy right in front of you. To me, that’s sufficient gratitude.
If you mailed my kids a gift, that’s a different story. I generally snap a picture of them either unboxing or playing with their present. If it’s something like a new outfit for my daughter, I’ll send you a cute photo of her wearing it. My kids love using my phone to send texts, and they’ll probably fire off something like “Thanks for my lightsaber!” complete with a plethora of emojis. That’s how we express our gratitude—quick and modern, reflecting the busy lifestyle we lead.
In all honesty, what does writing a hand-written thank you note really accomplish? Just an exhausting back-and-forth battle between parent and child. Does the child feel more thankful after writing 14 notes? Most likely not; they’re probably wishing they never received that ridiculous magic kit.
Another downside of the thank you note obligation is the stress it brings. Are they sent out promptly? Did you pour enough emotion and detail into them? Was my handwriting neat enough? Seriously?
Remember the post-wedding or post-baby thank you note frenzy? Yes, that’s what I want to be doing—sending Aunt Linda a thank you for the onesies while my baby is having a diaper explosion and milk is leaking through my last clean nursing bra.
Maybe it’s years of mandatory thank you notes that have made me feel this way, with the pressure of judgment looming over whether they are “good enough” or sent out on time. How much emotion can one convey when thanking someone for a silverware set? “Thanks, Uncle Tom! I can’t wait to eat with my new forks and knives…” Really?
Or perhaps it’s the fact that I know what happens the moment you receive our thank you note. I’m aware that despite bribing my child with fruit snacks and enduring the tears over a torn paper from erasing, you’ll read it and promptly toss it in the recycling bin. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine—I’m not judging because I do the same thing.
For all these reasons, I don’t force my kids to write them, and quite frankly, it doesn’t keep me up at night. Telling my child to sit at the dining room table the day after their birthday to repeatedly write “thank you” until their hand aches won’t make them more grateful. Teaching them to say thank you, share, care for their belongings, and help those in need—that’s how we instill gratitude in our household.
Ultimately, thank you notes should be heartfelt and genuine. It’s tough to achieve that when you’re churning them out in bulk. If your great-aunt sends you a gift, and you feel inclined to write a thoughtful letter of appreciation, then by all means, do it. Take the time to write to an elderly relative who might cherish receiving personal mail. Or if your little one needs practice with their writing skills, have them craft a thank you note to work on their letters.
But the obligation to produce a thank you note for every single gift from your kid’s birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese? No thanks. We expressed our gratitude when you handed my child their gift and said “thank you for coming!” at the end of the party. That will have to suffice. I also don’t expect them from others, especially not from a new mom overwhelmed with a newborn or my children’s teachers who are inundated with gift cards and treats every holiday season.
Save the postage, save the trees, and feel free to shoot me a text, or not. We’re good either way. For more insights on parenting and family life, check out Modern Family Blog. If you’re interested in boosting fertility, you can find helpful tips at Make a Mom. For pregnancy-related information, visit March of Dimes.
In summary, thank you notes may hold traditional value, but they often create unnecessary stress and pressure. A simple expression of gratitude, whether verbal or via a quick text, can be just as meaningful without the added burden.