As a Black woman raised in the South, I’m well-acquainted with the notion of limitations. Authoritarian parenting, while often well-intentioned, is deeply rooted in both Southern and Black cultures. Growing up, I experienced a double dose of restrictions, compounded by a community that was all too eager to report any missteps.
However, my upbringing was balanced; my mother allowed my brother and me a mix of freedom and guidance. The term “strict parent” didn’t resonate with me until I began meeting parents from various backgrounds, which opened my eyes to the different styles of child-rearing. I discovered that opting not to “spare the rod” does not equate to “spoiling my child.” My goal as a parent is to create a safe space for my son, encouraging open communication without fear.
In my quest to identify signs of strict parenting in both myself and others, I’ve compiled a list of indicators that you might just be a strict mom.
- You Expect “Sir/Ma’am” Responses.
Let’s face it: requiring your children to address you with “sir” or “ma’am” can feel a bit excessive. The time spent glaring at them could be better utilized answering their questions. Many individuals find these terms outdated and off-putting. If you insist on the formalities, it’s likely you fit the mold of a strict parent. - “Because I Said So” Is Your Go-To Response.
For an inquisitive child, this phrase is often a catalyst for more questions, which can frustrate strict parents even further. This leads to a lose-lose situation. Instead of instilling fear, consider more constructive dialogue. - Your Side-Eye Game Is Strong.
Southern moms have mastered the art of the side-eye, a nonverbal cue that serves as both warning and reprimand. If your children instantly understand the gravity of this glance from across the room, you may just be on the stricter side of parenting. - You’ve Uttered, “Ain’t No Way My Child Would Get Away with [insert action here].”
This phrase, along with variations like “I’m not [insert friend’s name]’s parent,” conveys that other parents may permit their kids to engage in questionable behavior. If you find yourself saying this often, you might be a strict parent. - Your Kids Bolt When You Say, “You Better Hope I Don’t Find It When I Come In There.”
This statement raises questions. Is it really the lost item causing the issue, or is it about the time you’ll spend searching for it? If your kids run for cover at this phrase, consider it another sign of strictness. - Friends and Family Suggest You Should Lighten Up.
If others have dared to hint that you should ease up on your parenting style, you’re probably perceived as strict, especially if their demeanor suggests fear while delivering this advice. If fellow parents avoid giving you feedback, that’s a major red flag. - You Relate Too Well to Darren Knight’s “Southern Momma” Videos.
I have to admit, I find these hilarious, albeit exaggerated. Growing up in Texas, I can see the roots of my own parenting reflected in these videos. If you find yourself nodding along to most of them, you’re likely a strict parent.
If you identify with several of these traits, it’s possible you’re the epitome of strictness. People may even scatter when they see you approaching, earning you that unofficial “mean mom” title. But remember, it’s all in good fun. There are diverse parenting styles, and as long as your approach isn’t harmful, embrace your uniqueness. Just maybe save your side-eye for when my kids are running wild in the store.
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In summary, recognizing the signs of strict parenting can help you reflect on your own style. Whether you lean towards strictness or favor a more relaxed approach, every parent has their own journey.