In today’s parenting landscape, many of us tend to over-involve ourselves in our children’s lives. I’ll be the first to admit that I often find myself hovering over my eleven-year-old, even though he’s more than capable of walking home from school alone. And yes, I might still be assisting my kindergartner with tasks he should be doing himself, simply because I can’t bear the thought of his protests or the mess he makes.
While I strive to grant my children as much independence as possible, the culture around us encourages a level of monitoring that makes it challenging to break free from that mindset. I reminisce about my own childhood, where my mother would allow me to roam the neighborhood freely on my bike at just six years old. Nowadays, I can hardly imagine letting my little one wander outside without me—someone would surely report me to Child Protective Services!
It seems that our generation’s children are part of a grand experiment in parenting. Perhaps this style of overprotection will provide them with a sense of security and success. However, one American mother’s experience in Germany suggests we might be misstepping.
When Jessica Hart moved her family from Portland to Berlin, she faced a significant cultural shift. In her memoir, Achtung Baby: An American Mother’s Journey into German Parenting, she details the stark contrast between parenting styles. Germany epitomizes free-range parenting; children walk to school alone, navigate public transport independently, and even handle sharp kitchen tools. Parents don’t closely monitor their every action and encourage their kids to advocate for themselves and resolve conflicts without intervention.
Moreover, German children aren’t bogged down by overscheduling. They are permitted—and even encouraged—to experience boredom, allowing their imaginations to flourish and fostering self-sufficiency. Initially overwhelming for Hart, she soon recognized the benefits of this parenting approach. In Germany, this philosophy is known as Selbständigkeit, which translates to “self-reliance.”
The goal of promoting Selbständigkeit is to cultivate not only self-reliant children but also resilient and independent adults. As Hart points out in an interview, “We cannot create a completely safe environment for our children, nor can we predetermine their future success. Every child must learn to manage risks and navigate life on their own.” She warns against delaying the lessons of self-reliance until adulthood, as it could hinder their development.
Practical Steps to Foster Selbständigkeit
So, what practical steps can we take to foster a sense of Selbständigkeit in our children? Simple actions can make a significant impact, such as allowing your child to order their own meal at a restaurant or taking a step back at the playground instead of hovering. Implementing these small changes not only benefits your child but can also inspire other parents to follow suit.
As Hart emphasizes, “Letting your child walk to school alone or run an errand empowers other parents to do the same.” We may not all be ready to adopt a completely free-range approach to parenting, but the consensus is clear: encouraging a bit more Selbständigkeit is beneficial for both our children and ourselves.
For further reading on related topics, you might find Modern Family Blog‘s insights on home insemination enlightening, or explore this excellent resource on pregnancy and infertility.
In summary, allowing our children to develop a sense of independence through Selbständigkeit can lead to more resilient and self-sufficient adults. While we all have different comfort levels with parenting styles, incorporating these principles can only enhance our children’s growth.