Yesterday, while I was refreshing my nail polish, my adventurous 3-year-old son approached me, captivated by the vibrant color I was using. He eagerly requested that I paint his nails too. Without a second thought, I agreed. For me, nail polish is simply a fun addition to self-expression, and the desire to adorn oneself isn’t limited by gender. It’s quite natural for young children to imitate the adults around them, reflecting a key aspect of their development.
I shared an adorable photo of my son sporting bright blue nails with family and friends, which garnered a flurry of “likes” and comments from other parents who recounted similar experiences. However, my sister-in-law mentioned her partner’s strong disapproval when she paints their 2-year-old son’s nails. This revelation caught me off guard, particularly because I’ve always perceived my brother as fairly open-minded. Curious, I reached out to him via text, sending the same photo of my son’s nails. His response was filled with concern, worrying that engaging in what he views as traditionally feminine activities might create confusion for my son later in life.
Our ensuing conversation revealed a significant divergence in our perspectives on gender norms and their implications in parenting. My brother holds the belief that societal gender roles are fixed, while I contend that these norms are fluid and subject to change over time and across cultures. I argue there’s no merit in imposing current societal expectations on a child who lacks the capacity to comprehend them; by the time he reaches adulthood, these norms could be entirely different. Historically, both boys and girls wore dresses, a fashion choice that could very well circle back into popularity. This illustrates the mutable nature of gender expectations, reinforcing my stance against adhering to arbitrary rules based solely on biology.
We discussed the case of Caitlyn Jenner, who my brother still references as Bruce. He expressed concern over her childhood experiences of being dressed in traditionally female clothing by her sisters, suggesting that these moments led to her later identity confusion. While I don’t personally know Caitlyn Jenner and am not qualified to analyze her situation, I suspect that the underlying issues would have emerged regardless of those early experiences, with dress-up sessions merely acting as a trigger.
I pointed out that numerous heterosexual men today choose to wear nail polish, but my brother remained unconvinced. He argues that there’s a stark distinction between a man consciously defying gender norms and a child who is blissfully unaware of such boundaries.
As an early childhood educator, I hold firm to the belief that children learn by mimicking the adults around them, generally without regard for gender appropriateness. As they mature, they begin to discern which activities align with their personal identities. In educational circles, it is well understood that engaging in certain colors or games does not determine a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity.
I do harbor concerns about my son facing confusion in the future, but not regarding his gender. Rather, I worry he might grapple with negative reactions from peers due to his choices. Children should be free to embrace their identities without being confined by societal limitations. While I sometimes gravitate toward traditional gender roles for my children, I refuse to prohibit them from pursuing interests simply based on gender stereotypes—aside from a few exceptions that pertain to their physical differences.
Interestingly, there is a strong movement encouraging girls to pursue any interests traditionally associated with boys, yet boys still face stigma for engaging in activities deemed “feminine.” For instance, while my father wished for me to embrace sports growing up (which I did not enjoy), he expressed unease when I gifted my son a baby doll. Why the disparity?
I urge parents and caregivers to reflect on whether the gender-specific toys, clothing, activities, and traits they endorse should truly be confined to one gender. Progress stems from questioning existing norms and challenging those that do not serve society’s best interests. So let’s start questioning.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, you can explore this article about home insemination or check out this resource on treating infertility, which offers excellent advice for families considering various paths to parenthood.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, the author discusses her experience of painting her son’s nails, which leads to a surprising conversation with her brother about gender norms. The article examines the fluidity of gender roles and emphasizes the importance of allowing children to express themselves freely without being constrained by societal expectations. The author argues for progressive parenting that embraces children’s natural inclinations, regardless of traditional gender stereotypes.