I was leaving my son’s elementary school recently when a fellow parent called out to me. “Are you always here?” She rolled down her window and leaned forward from the passenger seat of her SUV.
And she was right—I do spend a lot of time at my child’s school. I make it a point to walk him to class every morning. I volunteer in his classroom weekly and currently lead one of the after-school programs. I also strive to chaperone as many field trips as possible and attend various parent-invited school events. Over time, I’ve made it my mission to connect with the school principal, my son’s teachers, and his classmates.
As my first grader walked ahead, I leaned into my friend’s van and replied, “It sure feels that way.” She complimented my patience and dedication to the kids, which was kind of her. However, while I genuinely enjoy working with the children and engaging in my community, I revealed my deeper motivation: “Someone has to show these kids what queer looks like.”
She chuckled and nodded, understanding my point. Although I’m lucky to live in a relatively open-minded area, my children remain among the few with two mothers. I often find myself being mistaken for the dad in our family, a reality that highlights my gender-nonconforming appearance. I’m the woman who wears men’s clothing, sports a short haircut, and doesn’t conform to societal expectations of femininity. Surprisingly, I don’t mind being different.
Every time a child assumes I’m my son’s father, or whispers to their friend that they think I’m a girl, it opens the door for discussion. These moments allow me to teach beyond the narrow confines of a heteronormative curriculum. I can affirm what these kids are observing: I don’t fit the mold of the typical mom. I tell them I appreciate my appearance and remind them that there’s no “right” way to express gender; what matters is that people feel comfortable in their own skin. By simply being present, I’m reshaping their understanding of what’s considered normal.
My involvement also serves a purpose for kids who might live with or be influenced by narrow-minded adults. I think of the boy with the dad who proudly sports an NRA cap and an “All Lives Matter” shirt. While I’m not judging their parental love, I do recognize that some parents can be closed off to different perspectives. During a recent after-school program, I noticed the judgment in the father’s gaze directed at my rainbow beanie hat and masculine attire. I could sense his disapproval, yet I chose to extend a smile and a wave. Internally, I reminded myself of why I volunteer: I am the representation I lacked when I was younger.
Many children are raised in homes that either openly reject or quietly disapprove of people like me. Some of them will eventually come out and seek identities that resonate with their experiences. Even if I’m not there, these kids are already navigating their paths. I recognize that I may be the only glimpse of diversity and openness they encounter at school.
Moreover, I understand that I could be providing hope for closeted kids who lack support. While I certainly want them to develop literacy skills, it’s far more important to me that they learn to love themselves and embrace differences in others. As a child, I didn’t have role models to look up to; I was surrounded by bigotry and felt the need to hide. I eventually found my way out of the shadows, but I wish I’d known earlier that people like me existed.
Sometimes, you must embody the representation you wish to see in the world. That’s why I keep showing up. I’m always here.
In conclusion, my commitment to volunteering at my children’s school stems from a desire to provide visibility and representation for those who might not see themselves reflected in their immediate surroundings. By engaging with the community and fostering acceptance, I hope to inspire a more inclusive environment for future generations.
For more information about family planning and reproductive health, check out this excellent resource on infertility. Additionally, if you’re interested in fertility options, consider exploring our post on fertility boosters for men.