As a parent, I’ve made it a habit to keep an eye on my child’s text messages, direct messages, and even FaceTime chats. This isn’t done in secret; I engage directly with my daughter while she’s on her phone. I’m not a hovering helicopter parent; I simply believe in being informed.
Reflecting on Privacy
Let’s take a moment to reflect. When we were kids, having a phone in our rooms was a luxury. We certainly didn’t carry smartphones to school, and privacy was a rare commodity. If we were lucky enough to have a phone, we often had to contend with siblings interrupting with their demands for a turn. So, why have we decided that today’s kids deserve more privacy than we ever had?
For me, the absence of privacy during my upbringing didn’t hinder my growth into adulthood. My parents guided me, and their oversight helped shape my sense of right and wrong. In this era of smartphones, that responsibility is even more crucial. That’s why my children sign a contract when they receive their phones, agreeing that these devices are family property open for review at any time. If they’re sending messages they wouldn’t want me to see, they probably need to reconsider their choices.
Insights from Monitoring
I understand that some may label me as overly strict. However, I would argue that I possess insights about your child’s behavior that you might not have. Sure, my daughter may roll her eyes when I check her phone, but this practice has proven to be one of my best parenting strategies.
Since she knows I’ll eventually see her messages and that I won’t overreact, she often shares more with me than I would ever learn on my own. For instance, she informed me when a boy asked for a “bootie pic,” and even showed me the conversation where he made similar requests to your daughter. Did you realize he suggested terms that required some Googling?
I’m aware that your athletic daughter is skipping meals to fit a certain image, and your class clown son is being bullied. I also know that your quiet daughter made a racially insensitive joke on social media, something that could lead to severe consequences at school.
The Importance of Engagement
These are the “good” kids — my kids and yours. With rising rates of depression and anxiety among teens, it’s crucial to engage with them. The more we understand their digital communications, the better equipped we are to help them navigate these challenges.
I often find myself surprised by the thoughts and feelings expressed in my daughter’s messages. I learn about slang and acronyms that might not be on my radar. Instead of judging, we use her messages as conversation starters. I don’t always solve her problems, but I guide her on how to address them, fostering resilience and understanding.
Challenges of Digital Parenting
This approach isn’t foolproof. Sometimes it’s tedious or frustrating, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for kids. If it’s challenging for adults to process these digital interactions, think about the impact on our children. So, what steps are you taking to understand them better?
You may think you’d want to know if your child was involved in something inappropriate. However, when I’ve approached other parents regarding concerning messages I’ve seen, the reaction is often one of denial or discomfort. Ultimately, I’ve learned it’s not my responsibility to parent your children.
I’d wager that there’s something on your child’s phone that would surprise you. Don’t be caught off guard when your child grows into someone you didn’t expect.
A Friendly Reminder
Here’s a friendly reminder: Kids can act out. Mine has said things that make me cringe. Nobody enjoys hearing criticism about their child, but if we don’t take the time to understand who they are online, we may face serious issues down the road. To delve deeper into this topic, check out this resource on the IVF process, which can provide insights into family planning and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, monitoring your teenager’s digital communications can yield valuable insights into their world and the influences around them. It’s an uncomfortable but essential part of parenting in today’s digital age.