Reflecting back eight years, I recall a playdate when my eldest was a toddler, and I was expecting my daughter. I had already faced several parenting hurdles. The disappointment of struggling with breastfeeding weighed heavy on me, and the sleepless nights with my baby still awake at a year old left me questioning my abilities. And potty training? Let’s not even go there.
However, I thought I had behavior and discipline all figured out. My first child quietly played in the corner of another mom’s home, stacking blocks and calmly zooming toy trains along their tracks. He never even considered climbing on furniture or throwing toys.
Yet, I watched other children behave quite differently. With pursed lips and a disapproving shake of my head, I couldn’t fathom why their parents didn’t seem to manage them better. How challenging could it be to prevent your child from launching themselves off the couch or tackling the little girl lining up her dolls?
Months later, as I welcomed my daughter into the world, she mirrored her brother’s calm demeanor. I maintained my judgmental stance atop my sanctimommy mountain, convinced I had it all under control. But then, the universe decided to teach me a lesson, and I welcomed my third child—a boy who would turn my world upside down.
From the moment he could walk, I understood. When I attempted to read him a book, only to have it thrown at my head, I realized I was in for a wild ride. He was the child who stacked stools to reach forbidden cookies and the one who seemed to have an endless supply of energy. Karma had come back to remind me of my previous judgments.
So here’s my heartfelt apology to all the moms out there with what society labels “unruly children.” I now understand the struggle of having a child who can’t control their limbs or volume. I’ve felt the stares from strangers, like Karen at the grocery store, as my son climbs out of the cart or pulls cans off the shelves. We often sit at the back of church, ready for a quick exit, while my older children could sit and color for hours. My youngest, however, takes a stroll up and down the pew, completely oblivious to the meaning of whispering.
He’s the child who goes up the slide backward. He’s the one who cuts in line for cupcakes, not because he thinks others don’t deserve one, but simply because he saw a chance and seized it. He may even break your treasured vase without a second thought. So, if you own anything breakable, please think twice before inviting us over!
At a recent pediatrician visit, I found myself sweating bullets as my son climbed on and off the examination table and tossed sanitary paper across the room. When the doctor assured me he was a “healthy, normal little boy,” I was baffled. Having two well-behaved children prior, I couldn’t comprehend his lack of awareness regarding consequences. The doctor explained that my son’s brain was at a developmental stage where understanding consequences came after the action—much like teenagers often make questionable decisions due to their brain development.
That day, I gained clarity, even though challenges persist. I learned that my son is not a bad kid; he’s simply wired differently. If he swings a light saber and accidentally hits someone, it’s his way of inviting them to play, not a malicious act. If he cuts in line, it’s just an impulsive moment, and he’ll likely share his treat anyway.
I’ve also realized that moms of energetic kids are doing their absolute best. We discipline, we strive, but we also have to accept our reality. My son can’t sit still for an hour, let alone five minutes, which is why he walks around the table multiple times during dinner. I’ve learned to set realistic expectations for him—simple books and a sticker sheet won’t keep him engaged. For every “no” I say to his siblings, I find myself saying it five times more to him.
Additionally, I have warned everyone we cross paths with that if they dare give him caffeine, they will be dead to me.
My third child has transformed my parenting approach entirely. Now, when we make plans, we consider the environment—will there be space for him to run, move, and express himself? If not, it’s likely not a suitable outing. That’s perfectly okay. He has a lifetime ahead to learn the art of quiet and stillness. For now, he’ll continue building couch forts, jumping off furniture, and living life to the fullest, all while turning my hair gray in the process.
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In summary, it’s essential to approach parenting with empathy and understanding, especially when faced with energetic children. Acknowledging our past judgments can lead to a more compassionate view of the challenges that many parents face today.