When I was growing up, my mother often expressed that her marriage was her foremost priority. However, the reality was that her relationship was deeply unhealthy. My parents were caught in a cycle of conflict, yelling at one another over the same issues night after night. Their arguments escalated, fueled by alcohol, leading to a volatile atmosphere where physical altercations were not uncommon. I often found myself in the role of mediator, cleaning up the aftermath of their fights while my mother clung to the belief that staying “together for the kids” was in my sister’s and my best interest.
Eventually, my mother divorced my father when I was in my mid-20s. It’s hard to say whether my sister and I were better off with her staying in that abusive relationship or if she would have eventually found another partner with similar issues. What I did learn from this experience is that my children will always come first.
I would never tell my kids, “I’m sorry, but my marriage takes precedence.” That notion is beyond comprehension for me. The well-being of my children supersedes my own needs, and I refuse to prioritize any other relationship over them. Romantic love is often conditional, subject to change as individuals grow and circumstances shift. While I wish for my marriage to flourish, I would never sacrifice my relationship with my children or place them in jeopardy for the sake of a partnership.
This isn’t to suggest that you must choose between focusing on your marriage or your children. I understand that many of us juggle numerous responsibilities and strive to ensure that no one feels neglected. However, if you communicate to your children that your marriage is paramount, the likelihood is that they will already sense it. Children deserve unwavering love and the assurance that their needs come before anything else.
Does my husband deserve love and attention? Absolutely. But he is an adult who recognizes that our children are only young for a limited time. He doesn’t feel threatened by my commitment to prioritizing our kids’ needs. He understands my past and the reasons behind my perspective, which is part of why he supports me wholeheartedly.
My children are my universe. This doesn’t imply that I spoil them or provide them everything they desire, but it does mean I will always prioritize their needs in critical moments. I believe that every parent should adopt this mindset.
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In summary, my commitment to my children remains unwavering, and I believe that every parent should prioritize their kids above all else, ensuring they feel loved and supported.