When your closest friend is also a fellow parent, it creates a unique bond that can make your parenting journey feel a little less daunting. The transition into motherhood is monumental, and having a bestie who truly gets it can be a lifesaver. Rather than seeking late-night relationship advice, you find yourself messaging her about sleepless nights and the overwhelming chaos that comes with a new baby. She shows up without judgment, ready to help you reclaim your sanity, and it’s even better if your children are close in age, as you navigate the challenges side by side.
However, what happens when your best friend, the one who has seen you at your most vulnerable, starts to critique your parenting choices? Can you simply brush it off, or will it put a strain on your friendship?
Each mother has her unique parenting style, but it goes beyond just differing approaches. It often manifests in subtle comments that can sting. For instance, when she quips, “Oh, you’re using a wrap carrier? Seems like an expensive piece of fabric to me,” it can cut deep. While everyone has their own methods, hearing such remarks from someone who’s supposed to be your biggest supporter feels particularly harsh.
Motherhood can be incredibly challenging, especially during those initial stages. You may find yourself in a heightened emotional state, constantly questioning if you’re making the right decisions. With social media amplifying these feelings of inadequacy, it’s only natural to seek reassurance from your best friend. When she makes a less-than-encouraging remark about your parenting, it feels like a punch to the gut, more so than if it came from a random stranger.
Comments from acquaintances, like someone from your local parenting group, can easily be dismissed, but those from your best friend linger. They know you intimately and should understand what matters most to you, whether it’s your choices about feeding, sleeping arrangements, or how you dress your kids. Sometimes, the judgment stems not from malice but from a lack of understanding. They might say something like, “How did you let it get to this point? My child doesn’t like x, y, z, but they just deal with it.” This may work for their child, but it doesn’t always translate to your situation.
Every child is distinct, and as mothers, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our kids against one another. Just because her child readily accepts whatever food is served doesn’t mean yours will. Children have unique personalities, and as moms, we must sometimes grapple with the judgments that arise from these differences.
Addressing feelings of hurt can be tricky. You might hesitate to voice your concerns for fear of hurting your friend’s feelings or escalating the issue. To cope, you may instinctively start distancing yourself, limiting interactions to avoid potential criticism. This approach can provide the space to gather your thoughts, allowing you to determine if it’s worth discussing your feelings with her. If her comments genuinely bother you and you believe she’ll be receptive, consider sharing how her words affect you.
Friendships can evolve after becoming mothers. You may still cherish your longtime friend but find yourself leaning more on other mom friends who understand your experiences better. This shift is entirely normal; there’s no singular way to be a mother or a friend.
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In conclusion, dealing with judgment from your best friend about your parenting choices can be particularly painful. While it’s essential to recognize that every mother has her unique path, open communication can help maintain the strength of your friendship.