Updated: Sep. 17, 2020
Originally Published: April 13, 2018
A few weeks ago, I received a call from my son’s principal informing me that he had been involved in a physical altercation at school. She explained that my son had been punched in the face, and while he was fine, he didn’t look his best when she saw him. She also informed me that I needed to come pick him up immediately. It turned out that, despite being attacked, my son had retaliated against the older child, drawing blood in the process, which resulted in him facing consequences. The principal had reviewed the surveillance footage and noted that it was evident my son acted in self-defense, but the policy was clear: he should have run away from the situation.
The notion of running away from a fight is something I struggle to accept. According to my son, when conflicts break out in the school halls, there is often no space to escape, and crowds of students gather quickly, leaving little room to maneuver. While I understand the school’s policies are in place to promote safety, I have yet to meet a parent who would condone their child standing idly by while being assaulted. No one I know would encourage their child to allow inappropriate behavior without defending themselves.
Fortunately, two teachers intervened promptly during the incident, bringing it to a swift conclusion. Although my son refrained from hitting back—concerned about further repercussions—he felt provoked and was ready to defend himself after days of threats from the older boy.
I recognize that my viewpoint may not align with everyone’s beliefs, but I do not teach my children to be submissive or to lack personal boundaries. While I do not advocate for violence as a solution to disagreements, I firmly believe in empowering my kids to stand up for themselves when they are in danger.
In my opinion, running away only makes children more vulnerable. If a bully knows that their target will simply flee, it becomes an incentive to attack. If I were to instruct my children to endure bullying, where would it end? Would they be expected to accept unwanted physical contact or verbal harassment without response?
Setting boundaries is crucial, and I want my children to feel confident defending themselves. Of course, that doesn’t mean promoting violence as the first option; rather, it should be a last resort when all other avenues have been exhausted. It’s a comfort for both my children and me to know that they can assert themselves and that sometimes, they must take control of their own safety. So yes, if my child feels threatened, they might retaliate—and I fully support that decision.
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In summary, while I don’t condone violence, I believe it’s essential for children to have the ability to defend themselves in threatening situations. Teaching them to set boundaries and stand up for themselves can empower them to navigate challenging social dynamics.